Hopefully you and your families are keeping safe and well.
We are living in strange and for many families very sad times. Every country is suffering, some more than others and my thought are with them all. Most people have a family member, friend or acquaintance who fall into the vulnerable category- so this affects us all.
As mentioned in my last post I expected this to be the final chapter but as it progressed the well-intentioned hope faded and I was faced with the choice of an extremely long final chapter(which would take another 4-6 weeks) or split it and publish it as a separate shorter one. I chose the latter and at over 8k it's bloody long.
As a result the ending is not great but under the circumstances it was the best I could do.
As usual my thanks to those very patient readers who have continued to follow the story and showed their support by ticking the 'more box'and especially to those kind enough to comment. Believe me it does mean a lot and is the reason we've got this far.
Th illustration at the top is an old one and not great and I can't remember if posted it before but some readers may not have seen it.
Take care and stay safe.
Carrie
A Very Victorian
Education
By
CarrieP
Chapter 27
E
|
motions are such an integral part of
the human experience, it is the way that the brain gives meaning to bodily
sensations based on past experience and also on future expectations. Men and
women have the same range of emotions, love, hate, sadness, joy, anger, kindness,
disgust and many more besides and it can happen that from the same event those
present may arrive at different emotional destinations. Some may emerge from
the incident or occasion happy and content, others thrilled and excited and
still others with a contrasting emotion and completely at odds with their
companions.
The three figures at the top of the
wide and ornate staircase of St Jude’s Finishing School for Girls were just
such an example of the variety of human emotion. The elegant middle aged woman
wore a calm and dignified smile on her attractive face, the fresh faced girl
bore a look of barely suppressed elation combined with what some observers
could possibly describe as one of smug
self-satisfaction.
The figure between them appeared more
melancholy, quite tense and noticeably apprehensive. The face could not be
described as classical feminine beauty and depending on the angle perhaps took
on a more boyish aspect. However there was something about it that gave rise to
one’s curiosity. It was a difficult to define quality, a fragile, almost
fawnlike look that gave its owner an innocent girlish character. Such a feature
was most becoming yet rare and any young woman would dearly like to possess it.
An onlooker may well have wondered why
this exquisite young person appeared so anxious perhaps even fearful,
particularly as those on either side were quite at ease with themselves. A
middle aged smiling matron and her two younger female companions all dressed elegantly
and expensively in such well appointed surroundings would usually convey a
sense of conviviality. This stylish feminine trio could have come right out of
a Laszlo painting but as most astute observers know, nothing is always as it
seems in art or indeed life.
The individual in question nervously
fingered the skirts of the brocaded satin and lace trimmed gown and fussed with
the pleats which gave the dress a fullness which was augmented by four stiff
and starched petticoats of silk and taffeta. In an attempt to gain a little
relief the long slender fingers then moved to the high collar which had several
short, slim but unyielding steel strips inserted ensuring it stood up and
flared proudly. If one was to examine the bodice one would notice that it was
boned which imposed an extra layer of restriction on the wearer who was, as
fashion dictated, already tightly corseted. A young woman from the upper
echelons of society would from an early age become used to her constricting stays,
bulky petticoats and cumbersome skirts not to mention awkward bustles and
tightly buttoned high heeled boots, creams, lotions and lip colouring. These
were the everyday yet barely noticeable discomforts ladies of a certain social
standing had to endure. They bore it with patience and perseverance like their
mothers before them without complaint or fuss and never- even if smarting from
too tight a corset or perhaps clammy from an excess of petticoats – would
display the merest hint of discomfort. It was not the womanly way.
However this was not the case for the
attractive yet fearful creature lodged firmly between the two women- and with
good reason.
For this stylishly dressed figure was a
mere facsimile of a young lady. The person wearing the finest of Paris fashions
was in fact Aubrey St Clair, a young man who had for the previous several
months been forced to wear the clothes of the weaker sex by his guardian Lady
Charlotte de Winter. Allowed to wear male attire for the purpose of luring the
Countess von Utterdorf’s son to this
school he now once more found himself dressed a girl and under the control of
the only two women in this establishment that were aware of his true sex.
Inspecting him at the top of the stairs
the Countess’s eyes examined every inch of the young man, making a few minor adjustments to his gown here and
there, brushing a stray hair from his sleeve, lifting and fluffing the skirt
over his petticoats to ensure they were perfect and finally when satisfied
declared to her companions,
“Shall we descend ladies?”
Being referred to as a lady would have
been enough to incense any red- blooded male but it had been some time since
Aubrey St Clair could have included himself in that particular cohort. In fact
the designation barely registered as he had become used to being addressed as
‘Miss’ by everyone he had come into contact with from the servants in Lady
Charlotte’s home to chance encounters with women while out walking and most
recently in Madame Monique’s, one on the capital’s most exclusive corsetiere’s.
Dressed in the finest and most fashionable gowns and, like any lady worthy of
the name, quite obviously appropriately corseted, it would have been a major
surprise if he was addressed as anything else.
Over the course of several month he
had been educated by Lady Charlotte and Alice his Governess in every aspect of
femininity from walking properly and speaking softly to perfecting female
mannerisms, especially those peculiar feminine traits unknown to most of the
male sex. These lengthy and intensive lessons ensured he was extremely proficient
in the intricate etiquette and characteristics of the opposite sex.
As the last syllable left the
Countess’s mouth and without prompting his hands clutched his heavy skirts and
lifted them sufficiently to allow his tightly booted ankles to descend the
stairs. His head held high, as the slim steel strips in the gown’s collar would
not allow the wearer’s head to drop, his left foot easily and assuredly found
its way onto the first step, his right immediately and seamlessly following
onto the second step in a flawless motion. Of course he did not realise or
perhaps did not want to realise that this manoeuvre was by now second nature to
him. After all such an admission would be most shameful and he preferred to
avoid such awkward and inconvenient truths. Facing forward he would have been
unaware of the expression of surprise on the younger woman’s face. The
Honourable Miss Bella Martinet had recognised Aubrey earlier in the day and the
Countess was reluctantly compelled to take the girl into her confidence
regarding her plans for him. Naturally Bella, the school’s Head Girl, was delighted
at the prospect of exercising power over a male particularly one only a few
years older than herself. It was a case of history repeating itself as some
years earlier Aubrey was forced by Bella’s mother into taking a girl’s role in
a play. That particular episode excited Bella and ever since she harboured
dreams of regaining that control. She was certain that Aubrey unaccustomed to
the long, heavy and cumbersome skirts would look for her hand to steady
himself.
However the young man, clad in his
three inch heeled boots and buttoned tightly to mid calf, made no attempt to
reach out to her and effortlessly glided down the stairs. Bella, the memory of
a mishap on these very stairs several months previously which resulted in a
most embarrassing stumble and subsequent fall, was somewhat less confident and
held her skirts in one hand and the
banister in the other.
His composure both surprised and irked
his youthful escort as she had looked forward to undermining him at every turn
which she expected would draw him closer both physically and emotionally thus
ensuring he would become even more dependent
on her.
The Countess was right he is a quick learner Bella mused to herself as she recalled the
Countess’s earlier remarks while dressing him. I suppose why should that surprise me after all he was reasonably
accomplished when he performed in the play all those years ago.
She came to the conclusion that
perhaps he must have acquired this skill from being constantly in the company
of women while residing at Lady Charlotte’s home. Nonetheless, behind the
intense concentration and seemingly effortless composure on his face as he
negotiated the decent she did notice small yet to the informed observer’s eye
quite distinguishable signs of fear. Fear was the emotion she remembered from
him when she last saw him dressed as a girl, it gave her power over him then
and surely would do so again. As her mother was fond of saying, fear is the one
permanent emotion of the inferior man and all men are inferior to us. Despite
his apparent proficiency in feminine deportment it was clear that terror was
just under the poised veneer of femininity and she knew he above all else he
craved safety and protection.
Reaching the end of the stairs the
Countess once more fussed unnecessarily over the young man ensuring his skirts
fell properly and his small train was correctly positioned.
As Bella regarded him while the
Countess continued her ministrations, she noticed his eyes darting about, no
doubt checking for the presence of some of the school’s pupils or perhaps
Madame Olivia or Miss Lillian. She allowed herself a discreet smile, promoting
herself as his protector and as the custodian of his secret would no doubt
ensure his dependency and obedience. Several years after he had first awoke in
her a desire to possess a feminised male she had finally achieved her ambition.
It was such an exquisite feeling. A little shiver of excitement ran through her
body quickly reaching her most intimate region. Her eyes closed as the sensuous
sensation took hold and she could feel a moistness form deep inside her vulva.
A sudden, familiar but most untimely urge to press her hand between her legs
came over her. Of course as a lady such
an action was unthinkable outside the privacy of one’s bedroom and she had to
endure this intense almost overwhelming internal agitation by pressing her
thighs tightly together and releasing them again after a moment or two before
repeating the process. An unsatisfactory solution of course, but nonetheless
managed to give sufficient relief for her to retain some small level of
composure.
“Are you all right, my dear?” the
Countess asked Bella “You look quite flushed.”
“Ah…emm…yes… Countess.” Bella answered
not realising her face had betrayed her physical and emotional excitations.
The Countess gave her a knowing
glance, Bella to divert this unwelcome attention turned her attention to
Aubrey.
“I think our new girl looks a little
nervous Countess.” she said stating the obvious “A relaxing cup of tea have a
calming effect on him.”
“Him?” the Countess said pointedly.
“My apologies, Countess” Bella said,
regaining her self-possession and corrected herself with a smile “on her.”
Bella smoothed down her blue silk
skits and assumed a sombre mood, her grey, close set eyes locked onto his.
“Now Aubrey,” she began in a tone that
he had become quite used to under Alice his Governess “Although you have shown
yourself to have a certain level of familiarity in how a girl should comport
herself this alone will not ensure you will be able to sustain the illusion of
femininity under close scrutiny.”
The Countess smiled as Bella paused to
let Bella’s observation sink in. The older woman recognised the singular
feminine trait of giving a compliment in one breath and in the next delivering
a sly, snide remark undermining the recipient’s confidence. On some level
Aubrey may, although not wishing to admit it, have thought he was capable of
imitating a female with a reasonable level of success. He tried to tell himself
that his education under Lady Charlotte would carry him through this ordeal,
after all he had convinced the women at Madame Monique’s not to mention Roberta
and her mother a well as several other ladies. Nevertheless he did have to
acknowledge that some of those he met were sceptical at first and it did
require great effort on his behalf to convince them that he was indeeda member
of their sex.
Bella’s comments had the desired
effect and doubts began to creep into Aubrey’s mind. The young man’s anxiety
levels already quite high began to increase further, evinced by the slight
tensing of his jaw and the small yet observable wrinkles between his eyebrows. Her remarks only intensified these and
despite his best efforts could not prevent the tremble in his lower lip.
Bella seized her moment.
“You are a boy in a dress.” she hissed
“And although you appear to have achieved a certain level of competency in
walking like a lady I can assure you there is far more to being a woman than
merely learning to walk like one.”
This was the primary thought that ran
through Aubrey’s head from the moment he had stepped outside Lady Charlotte’s
house for the first time dressed in female clothes. Of course with Lady
Charlotte by his side he had felt less vulnerable and far more protected, it was
as if her authority acted as an invisible shield safeguarding his secret from
prying eyes and inquisitive glances. As a result of her almost maternal
watchfulness occasionally he became marginally less fearful and, although he
would never acknowledge it, he developed a degree of confidence in his ability
to comport himself as a female.
Bella’s remarks despite their acerbic
tone were nevertheless true and now compounded his self doubt, suddenly he
could feel Lady Charlotte’s training begin to ebb away. His lower lip was now trembling
noticeably and he was beginning to experience a familiar panic rise from
inside. His heightened anxiety did not go unnoticed by the Countess who felt
Aubrey was in imminent danger of an attack of hysteria. She quickly intervened.
“What Bella is trying to say is,” the Countess
said calmly as she slipped her arm around his satin clad shoulders
“accomplished as you are in comporting yourself as a young woman you still have
a lot to learn. It will be several hours before Lady Charlotte returns and you
will be in the company of dozens of girls.”
“And girls are naturally curious.”
Bella interjected and had to suppress her mounting excitement as his mouth fell
open in shock.
“Particularly about new girls.” the
Countess added and noticing Aubrey hands were now clutching his skirts tightly
continued “So Bella’s help will be very important in ensuring you are not
discovered. I’m sure you can imagine the implications for your future
reputation.”
Aubrey’s mouth was dry with fear and
unable to answer however Bella now knowing she had achieved her objective in
enfeebling him further and reducing him to a trembling mass of silk and satin
decided it was time for her to show him her more compassionate side.
“You may be a boy in a dress.” Bella
said taking his hands in hers in a reassuring gesture “But you are
a very pretty boy and if you defer to me and do as I say I expect we will not
encounter too many problems.”
“But won’t they suspect …” Aubrey,
encouraged by her confidence, finally found his voice
“Of course you do have some masculine
features.” the Countess interrupted him and noticing his hands tighten their
grip on his skirts she continued in a more optimistic vein “But dressed as you
are and obviously corseted I think you will, if you are careful, appear as
feminine as any girl. After all you have cheekbones any girl would be jealous
of.”
Naturally the Countess knew only too
well that he was capable of impersonating a girl. Had she not been deceived into
thinking of him as female in Madame Monique’s? Of course Bella knew nothing of
this and believed the fabrication that he was posing as a girl to avoid
incarceration in St Jude’s like the Countess’s son Karl-Maria. There was no doubt she may have suspected
something but was far too distracted by her excitement in dressing him to
explore this notion further.
“If I introduce you as my cousin,” Bella
suggested eagerly “the girls would hardly question you too closely.”
“Your…cousin…”he stammered.
“A splendid idea.” the Countess
replied before the he could continue.
Bella slipped her arm into his and with the
Countess on his other side and smiled contentedly as she steered him towards
across the large hallway, the rustling of several petticoats filling the air as
they moved across the polished tiled floor.
“It will be wonderful I always wanted
a younger sister so a younger cousin is an excellent substitute.” she beamed
enthusiastically, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.
“Younger? But I’m…”he tried in vain to
establish at least his superiority in age but even this was denied him.
“Oh my darling Aubrey,” the Countess
effused as she patted him on the cheek “as a girl you do look so much younger.”
Not only girl but younger than her. Aubrey contemplated in grim silence and
struggled to restrain himself from visibly wincing.
As the elegant trio made their way
down one of the wide corridors off the hallway Aubrey could feel his senses
heighten, his heart beat seemed much louder in his head and the scent of his
companions perfume was quite recognisable in his nostrils. The Countess’s
jasmine a little stronger than Bella’s violet whereas his own scent was a discreet
yet noticeable rose fragrance and if he was honest a most pleasant one as well.
In a strange way he was almost glad to have the voluminous skirts draped over
his lower body as not only did they give him something to hold onto to stop his
hands from shaking they also hid his trembling legs. Another curious aspect was
the distinct sounds of their swishing and crinkling skirts and how they rose
and fell with each step, he found the rhythm almost hypnotic and strangely comforting.
He was roused from this trancelike
state by Bella as she brought them to a stop in front of a dark oak door.
“Now remember Aubrey you are my
cousin.” she said removing a stray hair from his temple “My pretty younger
cousin who was kind enough to accompany the Countess here with her son.”
“And if there are any awkward
questions I will answer them.” the Countess added, pinching his cheeks lightly
to induce a little colour.
He let out a barely audible whimper
and was about to ask a question when Bella opened the door and suddenly he was
staring at a room full of young women every one of which appeared to have their
eyes trained on him.
“Ladies, please remember your manners,
this is no way to treat a guest.” a voice boomed out, its owner with skirts
crackling made her way across the room.
“I was wondering where you were
Bella.” an imposing lady addressed Bella and acknowledging Aubrey and the
Countess immediately added “But I see you have guests.”
Aubrey without thinking drew closer to
the Countess, standing slightly behind her and as the woman approached and
regarded him closely with her small, darting green eyes.
“Miss Mellon, may I introduce the Countess von
Uttendorf.” Bella presented her older companion.
Miss Mellon observing protocol curtsied
to her social superior and the Countess duly acknowledged her respectful
gesture with a nod and a generous smile.
“And this…” Bella gestured to
the increasingly nervous young man on her right “is my young cousin Aubrey.”
“Such a delightful creature.” she trilled,
advancing slowly towards Aubrey. Eyes wide and mouth slightly agape he moved
even closer to the Countess.
“Miss Mellon is the mistress in charge
of etiquette and the social graces.” Bella announced as Miss Mellon raised her
lorgnette to further examine the young arrival.
“Yes quite delightful.” she repeated
her eyes surveying her subject. “A most unusual facial configuration for a girl,
such a feminine bone structure yet almost…”
Miss Mellon paused and glanced at the
Countess. Aubrey could feel a familiar tightness in his stomach and was
grateful for the support his corset gave him in holding him steady.
“Cherubic.” she said.
Only a few short months ago Aubrey
would have become quite angry at such a description, now however relief was the
prime emotion.
“Aubrey, are you forgetting your
manners?” the Countess asked and immediately Lady Charlotte’s schooling
manifested itself.
“I apologise Miss Mellon.” he said and
perfectly executed a deep curtsy. “So pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Quite enchanting.” Miss Mellon beamed
clearly delighted by his graceful gesture and turned to the room “I do hope you
girls took note of this young lady’s elegant action.”
Without daring to cast his eyes in
their direction he could nevertheless hear the low chattering of a slew of
female voices.
“Dear Aubrey has been tutored
personally by Lady Charlotte de Winter over the last several months.” the
Countess said.
“And it shows Countess.” Miss Mellon answered
as she continued to scrutinise Aubrey who was drawing ever closer to the
Countess.
“Lady Charlotte had thought about
sending him to St Jude’s or a similar establishment” the Countess said as she
felt his arm tighten around hers “But he is far too delicate and felt St Jude’s
may be just a little overwhelming for her little darling.”
Aubrey could hear giggles from the
assembly behind Miss Mellon.
“Silence!” she uttered in a clear but
restrained voice and the room fell quiet once more “You must forgive the girls,
they get a quite emotional and a little animated when we have visitors and particularly those
who… ahem… bring a new pupil.”
She looked at the Countess and smiled.
“Ah yes.” the Countess returned the
smile in acknowledgement “My son.”
“Many of the girls witnessed his
arrival.” Miss Mellon said “Hence their excitement I do hope you understand. I
do hope you will join us for some tea.”
Aubrey, anchored to the Countess,
began to follow Miss Mellon as Bella once more slipped her arm into his free
one and whispered in his ear,
“A most impressive curtsy… for a boy.
You must tell me later how you gained such proficiency.”
As they glided across the floor with
every set of eyes in the room on them Aubrey was more concerned about how
exactly he would survive the next several minutes, explaining his expertise in
this singular feminine gesture was the least of his worries. He was
concentrating on his movement and quickly recalling the hundreds of lessons on
how to walk, sit, and stand, the correct way to hold one’s teacup, the
subtleties of female conversation and everything else a young woman was
required to know in order to navigate the complex and nuanced company of other
women. He worried unduly however.
On reaching their destination he
carefully arranged his skirts and small bustle before effortlessly and gracefully
lowering himself onto the chair. Bella caught the Countess’s eye with a
quizzical look and had to struggle to remain silent fortunately Miss Mellon’s
eyes, much to his concern, continued to linger on Aubrey.
“A most unfortunate first engagement with
the Headmistress I believe, Countess.” Miss Mellon said gravely as she settled
her ample and well padded posterior onto the chair.
“Yes Miss Mellon, quite regrettable.”
the Countess agreed “I had expected a degree of resistance so I was not
surprised at his reaction. It is as you say unfortunate but not entirely
unexpected.”
“If it is of any consolation
Countess,” Miss Mellon said “A week or two in the kitchens with Mrs Coldstrap
has a most beneficial effect on even the most stubborn young man and they
always emerge with an entirely different attitude. They are compliant, utterly
obedient and ready to begin the next phase of their education.”
She smiled reassuringly at the
Countess and then glanced in Aubrey’s direction before returning to her theme.
“Mrs Coldstrap is extremely effective
at smoothing the edges of even the most truculent male and it is an experience
none of them wish to repeat. She has never failed us yet. I can assure you that
when your son is returned to you he will be as graceful and as demure as your
young companion.”
“That is a most comforting thought
Miss Mellon.” the Countess replied patting Aubrey on the cheek “If he turns out
to be half the girl Aubrey is I will be delighted.”
“Speaking of Aubrey,” Miss Mellon said
to Aubrey’s consternation as two parlour-maids arrived and began placing the
delicate china cups in front of them.
“Ah yes.” the Countess smiled “You are
curious about her transformation from boy to girl.”
Miss Mellon nodded eagerly.
“Quite remarkable.” she exclaimed “And
although most convincing as a male there were a few feminine characteristics
which I suspect she found difficult to disguise. I would imagine it is also
very challenging to master the peacock like male gait, not to mention the
pomposity and self-induced overconfidence and perhaps one or two other
masculine traits.”
“Yes she does need a little more
practice if she is to be taken for a male.” the Countess laughed “But I don’t
think that will happen anytime soon. You are so much happier now that you are
back in a dress. Isn’t that so Aubrey?”
A rhetorical question of course and
with every pair of eyes on him Aubrey did not hesitate to answer
enthusiastically.
“Oh yes Countess.” he lied eagerly as
fear easily trumped his humiliation and for good measure and Miss Mellon’s
benefit he gave a well practiced sweet smile.
Naturally Bella found this most
amusing and could not resist the opportunity to increase his discomfort.
“Yes Miss Mellon,” Bella added with a
knowing smile “Aubrey is quite the actress, aren’t you Aubrey.”
Still desperately trying to contain
the mounting panic of finding himself in this den of femininity he was unable
to reply and cast his eyes downward blushing at her obvious jibe.
The Countess concerned that Aubrey may well
faint quickly related the same version of events that she had already given to Miss
Mellon’s superiors, Madame Olivia and Miss Lillian. When the Countess had finished,
Miss Mellon raised her lorgnette once more and scrutinising Aubrey and
eventually said in a tone that sent a little shiver up his spine,
“Anyone, male or female, entering this
establishment wearing trousers always find themselves in a dress within the
hour.”
“But, as you can see Miss
Mellon.”Bella intervened and gesturing to a small group of girls “Aubrey is
obviously much more comfortable in a dress unlike say Frances Barrington over
there. Or indeed, Harriet Beecher sitting next to her.”
Miss Mellon gave a little snort of
derision.
“I suppose you have a point Bella.”
she said “Your cousin is far more feminine than either of those two. Their
mothers allowed them far too much freedom, I think Harriet even wore trousers
on several occasions while horse riding on her mother’s estate. Both of them would
walk like Grenadiers if I hadn’t insisted they wear the long form corsets which
reach to their knees. They will need at least another six months wearing them
before they are properly trained.”
“I doubt if Aubrey would ever require
the long form corset Miss Mellon.” Bella said smiling at him “She does not need
reminding of her femininity, isn’t that so Aubrey?”
“Oh yes Bella.” he answered in a quiet
voice praying the subject would change.
“Bella?... young lady.”Bella said pointedly
with a slightly stern look on her face, reminding him of her status as Head
Girl.
“Oh I’m sorry… Miss Bella.” Aubrey
mumbled.
“Hierarchy is everything at the
school.” Miss Mellon explained as she smiled at the Countess.
“As in life.” the Countess immediately
remarked with the unmistakable authority of her superior social standing.
The point was not lost on the
etiquette mistress.
“Of course Countess.” Miss Mellon
answered in a deferential tone.
“Oh you silly girl.” Bella snapped as
one of the maids hit the sugar bowl with the teapot, spilling its contents as
she placed it on the table
“Oh I’m so sorry Miss.” the maid
babbled and curtsied.
“Another demerit Meadows.” Miss Mellon
said as the maid tried to place the sugar cubes back into the bowl. “How many
is that this week girl?”
“It’s my fifth Miss.” she said and
clearly alarmed added with another curtsy “I’m so sorry Miss.”
“Well I’m afraid you will be joining
Cavendish in the Blue room after tea.” Miss Mellon said.
“Oh please Miss.” the girl pleaded,
biting her lower lip “I…”
“Please don’t make it worse for
yourself Meadows.” Miss Mellon said “Now run along girl and be grateful I’m in
a good mood today.”
“Yes Miss.” Meadows said and curtsied before
scurrying off.
“When I said hierarchy is everything
Countess, I should have also included discipline.” Miss Mellon addressed the
Countess and as she began pouring the tea glanced at Aubrey and smiled before
returning to the Countess “After all it is what underpins our authority. I’m
sure you agree.”
“As in life.” the Countess repeated nodding her agreement
“Servants can be so lax they need a firm hand if they are to perform their
duties to the best of their ability. I commend your methods and I’m sure my son
will benefit greatly from regular correction.”
“Indeed he will, Countess. And
naturally you are also right about servants Countess.” Miss Mellon said taking
a sip of her tea “You may be interested to know that the two servant girls who
will be punished later are in fact pupils. At a certain stage of their
education each pupil spends some time in the role of a maid, it not only
teaches humility but more importantly also ensures they are taught how a maid
should carry out their duties with the utmost attention to detail and to learn
the high standards that every mistress requires. After all one day they
themselves will be the mistress of a grand house having authority over many
servants they will need to know how to assert their authority.”
“What a novel approach.” the Countess chirped,
clearly impressed “And tell me Miss Mellon exactly what form does the
discipline take?”
“Several strokes of a paddle,
Countess. It has a most beneficial effect and tends to correct any
shortcomings. Of course St Jude’s standards are very high and unfortunately
some girls have difficulty attaining these immediately, we regard this as more
a memento mori rather than a
punishment. ” Miss Mellon replied and
once more turned her attention to Aubrey, who was now feeling even more
uncomfortable, she smiled as she
gestured towards a plate in the centre of the table, “Some cake my dear?”
“Aah… no…thank you Miss Mellon.”
Aubrey struggled to reply and twitched slightly as he felt a hand land on his
knee and even through the heavy material of his dress and the four petticoats
underneath he could feel the gentle squeeze of Miss Mellon’s fingers.
“Of course you young girls like to
look after your figures.” Miss Mellon continued to smile as if nothing untoward
was happening, her eyes till firmly locked on his as she patted his knee and
withdrew her hand. “Quite understandable after all I’m sure you don’t want to
have your corset laced an inch tighter.”
Her remark brought smiles to both the
Countess and Bella’s faces as Miss Mellon continued,
“Unlike males we ladies are servants
of our corsets. In the same way a mistress supervises her maid so too a corset
will control our bodies ensuring we conform to its silent demands. However such
restriction imbues in us a degree of self-discipline that is sadly lacking in
the male sex.” She sighed and turned to Aubrey “Isn’t that so my dear.”
“Oh yes Miss Mellon.” Aubrey lied with as much enthusiasm as he
could muster “Ah…of course …yes …self-discipline…most important.”
“I’m so glad you agree my dear.” Miss
Mellon continued seemingly oblivious to his discomfort and thankfully his true
sex. “Naturally once a young man is
laced into a corset he will quickly lose that preposterous male
self-assuredness and become as compliant as the softest girl. Your son is
probably already in his corset Countess.”
As Miss Mellon then directed her
attention to Aubrey, the Countess and Bella were desperately attempting to
suppress their amusement. She appeared far too engrossed in her subject matter
to notice and Aubrey was too alarmed by the zeal with which she expounded on
the topic to detect their mirth at his expense. There was a bright pink glow to
her cheeks, a hint of moisture above her upper lip and he was almost sure her pupils
were dilated. The thought of life under this woman’s control was enough for
Aubrey to instantly decide to redouble his efforts to appear as feminine as
possible. He gave the most girlish smile he could manage as she pursued her
theme, her eyes appearing to glaze over as she spoke.
“Yes… The addition of petticoats, bloomers,
preferably satin as it ensures docility in the male, may give rise to a little
resistance but the threat of a cane across the backside will immediately quell
any nascent rebellion. High necked frilled collars and a large bustle to ensure
his silhouette is as womanly as possible will reinforce his sense of
femininity. Tight calf length boots of no more than three inches to begin with
at least ten buttons are also recommended.”
She paused to sip her tea and Aubrey,
becoming progressively unnerved took the opportunity to take refreshment also.
The Countess felt it time to intervene.
“Would it possible to witness
the…ahem… correction of these inattentive girls.”
“Of course Countess.” Miss Mellon
answered a little breathlessly, patting her upper lip with a lace handkerchief “I’m
sure the girls would be delighted and I suspect the spectacle would be most
instructive for your young companion. Now if you will excuse me I need to attend
to some matters before the formalities begin.”
After she had left the table Aubrey
breathed a sigh of relief, much to the restrained laughter of Bella and the
Countess, and if it was not for his generously boned corset would have no doubt
slumped back in his chair.
“A most interesting conversation.” the
Countess said surveying the room of young girls who appeared intrigued by the
new arrivals and as she noted, Aubrey in particular.
“We rarely receive visitors at this
point in the term.” Bella explained “And obviously they are extremely curious
about the new girl. It may be best if we take the initiative and introduce him…
I mean her… otherwise they may become even more inquisitive particularly the
senior girls who may be more difficult to control.”
“Oh no…please Bella…Miss Bella.
Please… Countess.” Aubrey pleaded. “They will soon see I am not a girl.”
“You seemed to have deceived Miss
Mellon with very little difficulty.” the Countess dismissed his fears with a
reassuring pat the knee. “You should have no trouble in deluding her pupils and
Bella does have a point. If there are any problems Bella and I will be on hand
to rescue the situation.”
As he was just about to express his
alarm over this plan his companions stood up and looked down on him.
“Come along my girl.” the Countess
said breezily “Nothing to be afraid of.”
All right for you to say. Aubrey thought but dare not express the
sentiment out loud.
He raised himself and instinctively
shook out his skirts so that the little train at the back fell perfectly on the
floor behind him and glanced to see if it was free of the chair. The last thing
he wanted was to trip or stumble making him look gauche. The Countess and Bella
exchanged smiles as he self consciously spent a few moments smoothing out
wrinkles in the dress.
Bella smiled at him slipping her arm
inside his as they made their way across the room.
“You really are good at this Aubrey.” she
said quietly “It’s like you’ve been wearing dresses for years. You will have to
tell me just how you became so proficient at comporting yourself as a girl.”
As they moved across the large drawing
room the assembled girls stood as they approached. Aubrey noticed all the girls
were similarly attired in a uniform consisting of a cotton twill fitted bodice
with a v shaped neckline under which was a crisp white silk blouse and a twill
skirt over what Aubrey judged to be at least three petticoats. He looked like a
peacock amongst a flock of crows and thought that thankfully they appeared more
interested in his gown than his face.
“Girls,” Bella announced with a smile
as she gestured towards her companions “The Countess von Utterdorf and my dear cousin
Aubrey.”
They all curtsied to the Countess but
it was to Aubrey that their eyes were drawn.
“What a wonderful collection of young
ladies.” the Countess smiled surveying the cluster of girls surrounding her and
Aubrey “We are so looking forward to hearing about your experiences here at St
Jude’s. Isn’t that right Aubrey?”
“Er… ah… yes…” he stumbled becoming
even more alarmed as the girls closest to him advanced to within inches, Aubrey
drew even closer to the Countess.
Seats were quickly produced for the
Head Girl’s guests but just as they were about to sit Miss Mellon arrived and
whispered in the Countess’s ear.
“Can I leave Aubrey in your care for a
few moments Bella.” the Countess said “It appears there is something I must
attend to.”
“But…I…” Aubrey babbled as the Countess left with Miss
Mellon in a flurry of skirts.
“Your… cousin? Miss Bella.” One of the
girls asked eagerly as Bella settled herself on the sofa and patting the space
beside her gestured to Aubrey to sit.
“Yes Emily.” Bella answered and smiled
sweetly at the increasingly nervous young man “My favourite and dear younger cousin
Aubrey.”
A chorus of excited murmuring mixed
with the rustling of dozens of skirts and petticoats arose from the collective
as they moved closer to inspect the fashionably dressed object of their
interest. Aubrey could hear snatches of their increasingly feverish comments.
“Girls!” Bella snapped but in
Aubrey’s opinion only half-heartedly and was clearly relishing the excitement
his presence had created. “Please remember you are ladies and this is not how
ladies should treat guests.”
Despite the rising fear inside, Lady
Charlotte’s training did not desert him, and he gracefully lowered himself onto
the sofa. Much to Bella’s delight he sat so close to her their arms touched and
she could feel him trembling slightly. She smiled and patted him reassuringly
on the knee.
Bella’s admonishment did little to
quell the raw curiosity of the gathering.
“We were not expecting another pupil.”
one of the girls said as they began sitting in a semi circle around the couch.
“Another female pupil, that is.” a
girl with auburn hair snorted.
“We saw two…” an older girl began.
“You thought you saw two boys,
Emily” Bella quickly interrupted and established her own narrative. “As you can
now see Aubrey is a very skilful actress and used her talents to enable the
Countess to, shall we say, introduce her son to St Jude’s.”
“So he…your cousin…is…”another girl
said in a somewhat incredulous voice “is really a girl.”
“Oh don’t be so ridiculous Georgina.”
a petite girl laughed “None of boys Madam has introduced here have been as
pretty. Of course he, I mean she is a girl”
“Such a striking face.” one voice
blurted.
“Yes Cora.” another quickly added a
little too cautiously for Aubrey “Glamorous yet at the same time a trifle…ah…
peculiar.”
“But so very pretty you must agree,
Clarissa” a tall well built girl said “and what beautiful eyes.”
“And those lips.” another
voice from within the group said “so kissable” a remark which elicited a wave
of giggles, turning to Aubrey Bella whispered in his ear.
“I think you have won them over.”
Mortified by their commentary of his
feminine features Aubrey blushed and cast his eyes downward but was still able
to steal a discreet glance at his audience. The overall consensus was, apart
from one or two dubious faces, that he was indeed one of their own sex.
He wasn’t quite sure whether to be
relieved or insulted.
“I do hope you won’t be offended,
Aubrey” Georgina said with a smile “but you were certainly most convincing in
the role of a young man.”
A ripple of agreement resounded around
the room.
“Miss Dearlove our drama and dance
mistress would have been extremely impressed.” one of his new admirers trilled,
a sentiment echoed loudly by her friends.
“Yes Clementine.” the girl sitting to her
right agreed “She mimicked the male pose quite expertly.”
“But now we see you in that beautiful
dress,” Emily declared with obvious admiration “it is hard to imagine you as
the young man that entered here less than two hours ago. Isn’t that right
girls?”
“Oh I’m not so sure Emily” a tall and
deep voiced girl said.”
Aubrey became alarmed at her comment
and before she could voice her opinion and much to his relief there was a
disapproving response from the vast majority of girls.
“Don’t pay any heed to her Aubrey.”
Clarissa sympathised “Rachel is always looking for male characteristics in
girls, she even said Cora drank her tea like a man.”
Laughter rang out but Aubrey could see
Rachel gazing at him intently and although extremely unnerved he managed to
summon up his sweetest feminine smile and joined in the hilarity.
“Oh Aubrey, you really must tell us
what it is like to wear male clothing?” Georgina said, her voice clearly
revealed her fascination at the very idea of a girl wearing male attire. From
the animated reaction this was a question which clearly resonated with her
fellow pupils.
Aubrey, although feeling a small sense
of relief that despite Rachel’s remark his secret still appeared to be safe,
was nevertheless taken aback by their overly enthusiastic response. The wide
eyes, open mouths, nostrils twitching, it reminded him of a pack of hounds
being prepared for a fox hunt.
And I’m the prey. he said to himself as he smoothed a wrinkle on
his skirt trying to appear as calm and feminine as possible.
“Settle down girls.”Bella commanded
bringing a degree of order to the overly eager assembly. “Don’t forget we have
the maids’ correction shortly and we don’t want to get too excited too quickly.
But Aubrey will be more than happy to relay his experience of dressing as a
male.”
“It must have been ghastly having to
wear trousers.” Clementine said “I can’t imagine how you did it.”
“It wasn’t the first time Aubrey wore
trousers.” Bella interjected before he could open his mouth “Isn’t that right
Aubrey?”
A cackle of excitement arose from the
girls.
“Quite the hoyden, is our Aubrey.”
Bella laughed lightly.
“Did you enjoy it then Aubrey?” Emily
enquired in a surprised tone.
“It was… emm… it wasn’t too demanding.”
he replied a little sheepishly not quite sure how to respond.
“And you were not wearing
corset.” Georgina declared as if it was
the most scandalous event of the year.
“There are times I wouldn’t mind
discarding my corset.” the tall deep voiced girl grunted as she wriggled her
torso trying to adjust her own corset much to the amusement of her friends.
Clarissa gave her fellow pupil an
irritated look before asking Aubrey,
“Would you recommend it?”
“Oh no.” Bella answered for him “Aubrey
could not wait to be out of those dreadful clothes and dress once more as a girl.
She has gotten over her tomboy phase and has regained her femininity.”
She patted his lap patronisingly and
smiled sweetly before adding,
“Isn’t that so Aubrey?”
Aubrey suddenly thought of how just a
few months ago when in female company he would have flaunted his maleness by
striking exaggerated masculine poses such as sitting with legs apart or
standing near the fireplace with one leg resting on the fireplace’s fender as
he lectured his audience while smoking a cigar. He was the epitome of
manliness. Now enveloped in a silk and satin gown and squeezed within the
confines of his rigid corset he now sat in a typical feminine manner, hands
folded on his lap, knees tightly together and thanks to his corset, his back
ramrod straight. Now he was being asked
to renege on the very masculinity he was trying desperately to cling on to,
challenged to surrender his claim on the very thing that marks the outward
difference between male and female.
There could only be one answer to
Bella’s question.
“Yes Miss Bella.” he replied however
the barely perceptible arching of her eyebrows indicated a more extensive
answer was required.
“I’ve heard it is most liberating.”
Rachel said mischievously.
“It was… ah…”he struggled to find the
words “…very…odd experience.”
“And?” Bella pressed him once more,
her hand squeezing his, her eyes conveying her displeasure at his less than
satisfactory reply.
The implied threat was quickly
understood by Aubrey and he immediately brushed aside what little dignity he
still possessed. The lump he now felt in his throat was yet another piece of
his pride being swallowed.
“It was such a great relief to be free
of…”he began still wrestling with his moral duty to his masculinity, he looked
pleadingly at Bella for some sign of leniency but her gaze was unyielding, he
lowered his eyes and continued in a quiet voice “those ghastly trousers and
wear a dress once more.”
As the girls excitedly conferred with
each other Bella leaned into his ear and whispered,
“Now that wasn’t too hard to admit,
was it? I think we understand one another now.”
“You mean you don’t mind being laced
into these dreadful devices?” Rachel asked sounding unconvinced by his
explanation and tugging at her own corset.
“Just because you dislike wearing one
doesn’t mean everyone should.” Cora rebuked a sullen Rachel “It’s what enhances
our femininity, isn’t that so Aubrey?”
It was now clear to Aubrey that apart
from Rachel and perhaps one or two or two others all the girls appeared to
accept he was female and he had to admit he was quite flattered by their
favourable comments on his appearance. So much so that he had to resist the sudden
urge to take out the small mirror in his purse to check his face. However
Bella’s comment about him being a boy in a dress also loomed large in his
consciousness and he knew from past experience he would have to fully engage
with his female ego if he was to avoid lapsing into male mannerisms. This was
vital as he was now aware he would be spending the next several hours in their
company and one small slip would be enough to raise suspicions especially with
Rachel. He also knew that in any group, male or female, it was important to fit
in and not to be considered outré.
Avoiding exposure as male would depend
on him presenting himself as feminine as any of the girls in the room, apart of
course from Rachel and a few others.
I’m far prettier than them. he said to himself and gaining a little
confidence quickly looked about the room before concluding with an inward smile
of smugness, and quite a few others as
well.
Although most of the girls accepted
him as a girl, Bella like a lot of young women he knew had a certain
capriciousness about her and if it suited her she could make the next few hours
very uncomfortable for him.
All girls love to be flattered. he considered silently, of course conveniently
excluding the glow of pride he felt just moments ago at being on the receiving
end of such praise. If I fawn over her
she will be less likely to be bad-tempered and malevolent. It will make life so
much easier.
With the decision made he took a deep breath
and answered Cora.
“Oh yes Cora” Aubrey he replied his
voice laden with a sincerity that surprised even him and confounding Bella he
took hold of her hand and conjured up a most genuine smile “I used to think
like that but some time ago Miss Bella and her dear mother convinced me
otherwise.”
Bella, taken aback by this unexpected
declaration searched his face for traces of disingenuousness but Aubrey’s eyes
conveyed nothing but the utmost innocence.He could tell she was on the verge of
being convinced by the earnestness of his answer. At that moment he could see
in her eyes she genuinely wanted to believe him. He had gone too far to stop
now.
“It was such pity they did not take me
in hand much earlier.” he said squeezing her hand gently and gazing deeply into
her eyes. “I would have greatly benefited from their company and the guidance
they could have given me. I would have come to my senses much sooner.”
His sycophancy had the desired effect
as the girls burst into spontaneous applause for their Head Girl and he could
see Bella was clearly conflicted in her emotions. He smiled as he once more
squeezed her hand assuring her of his sincerity.
Just as her mouth opened to reply the
door opened and Miss Mellon and the Countess entered followed by the two
uniformed maids.
“Ladies please make the necessary
preparations.” she announced to her charges as she and the Countess made their
way towards Aubrey and Bella.
“I do hope you mean that.” she said with a
softness he had not heard before.
Gazing intensely into her eyes he did
not hesitate or falter in his reply.
“Of course I do.”
Big girls can be so cruel, can't they Carrie? To other girls but also to soft sensitive boys too weak to resist the femininity that surrounds them. Ooh yes please! We call them girls (I adore that word) but they are women... in school uniforms. Its almost too much to bear. The corsets, petticoats etc. Keep going my Girl, and when you've completed this magnum opus you must promise not to stop Carrie. Otherwise you will find yourself ironing a freshly starched apron for Mrs Coldstrap every morning. Just you and her alone in her pantry, smoothing the full skirt of her big apron and tying the prettiest bow imaginable for her. Goodness Carrie, you better get cracking! Regards Geraldine x
ReplyDeleteHi Geraldine
ReplyDeleteI was having a really crap and stressful day and your comment came at just the right time and lifted me out of it- so many thanks.
Documenting Aubrey’s travails under Lady Charlotte’s supervision can be taxing and time consuming but paradoxically, in these disturbing times, can also be quite therapeutic and heaven knows I do need therapy.
You are so right, big girls can be cruel – particularly as you said to soft, sensitive boys and if I might be so bold as to add those who are perhaps a tad effeminate. Although we haven’t met this apparently formidable woman, Mrs Coldstrap’s reputation precedes her but dare I say, you appear to have some knowledge of her methods. An alumnus or perhaps that should be alumna of St Jude’s?
Robert Kilcoye in A Suitable Position may have just escaped the fate you so wonderfully described although if I recall correctly the poor kitchen maid did not.
Speaking of Mrs C, I wonder how poor Karl-Maria is getting on? He may be having a torrid time adjusting to his new life but I’m sure that he will quickly mend his ways and make his way upstairs – as a suitably uniformed housemaid of course. Keep the unfortunate boy in your thoughts.
Yes Geraldine, the idea of being under the strict regimen of her or indeed any of the other imposing authoritarian female figures is enough to induce a fit of the vapours.
Thank you again for your insightful comments and your continuing support for the story, it’s great to know there are still readers sufficiently interested in it.
By the way I can confirm that the next chapter will definitely conclude the story. I think I have about 60% of it written and if I can avoid falling down various rabbit holes and remain focused hopefully, hopefully I will have it done in a few weeks.
As for continuing I’m not so sure, it’s something I’ll have to think about it.
You take care.
Carrie
Amazing.I'm your fan
ReplyDeleteAs always, Lupe, thank you for your kind comments.
ReplyDeleteStay safe
Carrie