A Very Victorian Education Chapter 10 with 2 illustrations

This chapter at almost 8500 words is more than twice as long as chapter 9 – hence the delay in posting. I hope you understand. I would have preferred to keep it to approx 4000 but as usual it took on a life of its own. Not a big fan of long chapters  so hopefully readers won’t find it too boring.  I think there may be only one more chapter left in this saga but I won’t be able to start it for a week or two so it may be longer than usual before I can post it.

However what I may do is something I have done previously, post a stand-alone piece with an accompanying illustration.

I know readers are sick of me saying this but thank you to all who were good enough to tick the ‘more box’. Apart from the comments section (thanks to those also) it is the only way I know if readers are enjoying Aubrey’s travails at the hands of his female tormentors. There is a lot of time and energy put into this and I really do appreciate people taking the time to acknowledge it. Without this support I really doubt if the blog would have continued as long as it has.

One last thing, I thought another illustration of Aubrey in the park would be a little boring and I don’t have enough time to do a second specifically pertaining to this chapter. I thought Lady Martinet from the previous chapter was an interesting character so I put her and Aubrey’s mother together. So nothing to do with this chapter.

Thanks again for your support and I hope you enjoy it.

Carrie

A Very Victorian Education Chapter 10

CarrieP

The music of the military band was very comforting as it penetrated his auditory canal and made its way into his brain. He liked marching tunes, they invoked a sense of manliness and vigour and reminded him of the camaraderie of the cadet corps at school. Marching in formation around the school in military uniform and the training on the rifle range was always enjoyable forging a wonderful esprit de corps among his schoolmates.  There was something very masculine about the oomph of the tubas and trombones, the brassy trumpets, clashing cymbals and the steady rat-a-tat-tat of the several drummers. He recognised the last tune as one of John Philip Sousa’s marches and was trying to recall the name when he felt a sharp slap on his cheek, quickly followed by another.

“Aubrey”

Was it Semper Fidelis or The Washington Post? he wondered.

Another slap.

“Aubrey”

A foul odour drifted into his nasal passages and hit his brain like a spike. He felt a little nauseous, he felt an unnatural compression on his torso and his breathing was a little laboured. It was as if his military uniform was a size or two too small for him, he remembered this was a prank often played on each other. He was obviously the victim this time.

His eyes flickered and opened, the flash of sunlight hit him, his head hurt and he closed them again before slowly opening them to adjust for the brightness. His friends would be laughing their heads off, it was always very amusing when someone passed out.

This is strange. He said to himself as his eyes began to focus. None of my friends appear to be here.

His focus sharpened as his brain began processing the scene around him and was further confused at the faces that gazed down on him, his senses now began to return and his hands felt a soft material as they made their way over his constricted torso.

“That’s strange.” he thought and looked down to investigate this unusual sensation. “No..Oh...no...no...this is a mistake.” he shrieked as his eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he gaped at the navy silk dress that enveloped his entire body, feverishly he pulled at it in a foolish attempt to  tear it from his body.

“Oh dear she’s still very disorientated.” one of the women said “stop dear or you will ruin your pretty dress.”

“Keep calm my dear, you’ve had a little turn and fainted.” another voice said as a pair of hands restrained his “You are a little confused, stay still you will feel much better in a moment.”

A small vial was placed under his nose, he immediately recognised the vile smell and jerked his head back to avoid it but a strong hand prevented it and the second wave invaded his nostrils.

“Ah yes, there really is no substitute for smelling salts.” another familiar voice said, “she should recover in a moment or two.”

A fog swirled around his brain and he remained t a little lightheaded as his eyes tried to focus on his surroundings. He noticed he was lying down on the park bench, the military band was still playing in the distance, reality was beginning to creep into his consciousness and he realised he was not imagining things. It was not a soldierly uniform he was wearing but a girl’s silk dress. He had returned to his very own feminine nightmare.

His blinking eyes slowly began to concentrate on the faces above him and one by one he recognised them, Sarah, Mrs Fitzgibbon, Mrs Carville. Now it began to come back to him, Mrs Fitzgibbon’s recollection of that dreadful incident several years ago when he was coerced into playing the role of a girl in one of his mother’s plays. He had, or at least up to now he thought he had successfully managed to erase this horrible episode from his memory but Mrs Fitzgibbon had dredged it up through her vivid reminiscence. It was ghastly ordeal, all those dreadful women circling him refusing to allow him to leave and that terrifying Lady Martinet, the very thought of her sent shivers down his spine. Under normal circumstances it would have been truly awful to have this recounted but now dressed as he was it became too much for him to bear and he fainted. He recognised Mrs Fitzgibbon from this episode and was fearful she would now surely recognise him. He looked at the three women who gazed down on him sympathetically.

“I think she is coming around.” another voice said from behind him and he felt his heart jump.

A figure in a dark morning suit with a top hat bent over him and two brown eyes set in an oval shaped face scanned him, a strong hand held his wrist as the other hand was pressed to his forehead. He was sure everyone could hear his heart beating.

“Her pulse is a little fast and she is a little warm but I do not think there is any cause for concern.” the newcomer said “perhaps it is just ....ahem... a lady’s usual problem at this time of the month.”

The experience of being forced out into the open in female clothing was a terrifying one for Aubrey, his absolute horror of exposure was his constant companion and meeting these two ghastly women was edging this closer to reality. However up to now they seemed to be somewhat baffled by his androgynous appearance and despite this, they- like the few women they encountered when he had first entered the park- appeared to take his dubious feminine appearance at face value. Aubrey knew a male would immediately recognise another male, like beasts in the wild it seemed an immutable law of nature and this was his worst nightmare. He would be ridiculed for the rest of his life. Unfortunately for him he wasn’t the only one to understand this. Earlier, to assert her authority and keep him under her control, Sarah had already threatened him with introducing him to some army officers who were close by listening to the military band. The thought of coming into contact with other males almost paralysed him with fear, it had the desired effect and his submissiveness was quickly re-established. Now this was becoming a reality and he felt a horrible panic well up inside particularly as this person despite this outrageous and quite ridiculous suggestion appeared to have medical training.

The figure in the top hat turned to the women and restated the prognosis,

“Yes, the usual monthly female issue. I would imagine that is all it is.  Perhaps she is too embarrassed to have mentioned it.”

Female issues!  Aubrey repeated and stared blankly at the faces looking down on him, he saw a snigger form on Sarah’s face but no look of obvious recognition of his maleness from this interloper who had now turned to engage with the ladies. Aubrey could barely believe his good fortune.

He hasn’t realised I’m male, so much for the medical profession. he said to himself while silently breathing a sigh of relief before a horrible thought struck him.  Am I really that feminine?

Sarah came forward and helped him into a sitting position as the company once more turned their attention to him.

“Is that right my dear? Mrs Carville asked her eyes examining him for tell tale signs “Your time of the month?”

Aubrey gave her a confused look.

“Madam wants to know if you are having your period.” Sarah bent down and whispered in his ear. “Best say yes or you will have a great deal of explaining to do.”

Four sets of eyes fell on him as he struggled to find the words. He felt Sarah fingers pinch him in the fleshy area under his armpit.

“Y…yes.”he mumbled and in an irony not lost on him he felt the blood surge into his face.

“Oh you young girls are so dramatic.” Mrs Fitzgibbon sighed.

“Oh don’t be so harsh on her.”  a voice said gently “perhaps you are forgetting she is still a young girl and there may be underlining problems. She looks much better now, a little walk would do her good.”

Aubrey looked up and saw the stranger in the morning suit hold out a hand and smiled sympathetically at him. He had no choice but to take it and Sarah assisted him in standing and again discreetly murmured into his ear,

 “It would be good manners to show your appreciation.”

He was under no illusions as to what she meant, he hesitated momentarily and yet again felt Sarah’s fingers dig into his soft flesh almost making him squeal.

“Thank you ...” his voice, bare audible wavered.

Another sharp reminder from Sarah indicated this was not enough.

“Thank you... sir” he mumbled and his cheeks reddened as he curtsied.

“Sir!” the figure in the morning suit laughed. “It appears my facade is much better than I thought.”

“Yes my dear, we too were fooled by this ...” Mrs Carville addressed Aubrey and raising her lorgnette to the newcomer continued in a tone of mild disdain “... person’s appearance. We too were under the impression this person was a gentleman.”

“But it seems this is not the case.” Mrs Fitzgibbon snorted derisively “this young lady is masquerading as a man. One of these new fangled suffragettes I believe.”

The figure in the morning suit smiled at both women and made a little adjustment to her waistcoat.

“I apologise if my appearance has caused you any discomfort.” the newcomer replied “I was on my way to an open air meeting of ladies interested in women’s suffrage when I noticed this young lady in distress. I am completing my medical studies in Oxford and felt I could be of some assistance.”

“Your assistance was most welcome young lady.” Mrs Fitzgibbon answered, her tone softening a little “However your choice of male apparel is most unbecoming a lady and although I do advocate and champion the emancipation of our sex from an oppressive patriarchy I do not think it necessary to parade in men’s clothing to achieve your goal.”

“It is to the advantage of the male sex that women and girls must wear cumbersome, bulky and heavy clothing to say nothing of the restrictive nature of our corsets.” the young woman replied “Such clothing prevents ease of movement and serves only to heighten our dependence on males. How could a female, corseted and dressed in silks and satins over several layers of petticoats be regarded as an equal?”

“We share your views on the attitudes of the male sex.”Mrs Carville answered “but we consider that such elaborate feminine clothing does have certain beneficial effects in behavioural terms and is the primary factor in contributing to the undoubted moral superiority of our sex over the degenerate male. In fact we are of the view that society would benefit greatly if males had sometimes to dress in similar fashions.”

“What a wonderful idea!” the newcomer squealed. 

Aubrey now fully recovered was once more becoming quite anxious, his eyes darting around the immediate area saw that  more people were entering the park and  he desperately    wanted to leave before something else happened.  

“But would it not be even better if we wore the trousers, surely this would reinforce our pre-eminence as the superior sex. Of course it could only happen in certain households where strong and assertive ladies were mistresses of their domain.” she replied and watched both ladies nod in agreement she then turned her attention to Aubrey and looked him directly in the eyes “And you my dear girl, would you not prefer to have the freedom of trousers rather than your cumbersome heavy dress and petticoats, restricting your every movement.”

Aubrey was stunned and stood frozen to the spot in front of her, he noticed she was about two inches taller than him and a little broader and now alerted to the fact she was female  he could make out small but noticeable mounds in her chest, something he had not previously perceived. Her determined face, with its large brown eyes and prominent cheek bones set in an oval face could be described as more handsome than pretty and it was easy to see how these features combined with the fashionable male suit projected a masculine presence. Suddenly he was overcome with a combination of resentment at the clothes he was forced wear and a strong jealousy of this woman dressed in the male clothing he should be wearing. He had never before encountered such an extraordinary figure and was trying to make sense of the situation when he suddenly realised she was still waiting for an answer.

“I...ah...”he mumbled as he eyed her clothes with envy.

“I think I sense you would perhaps welcome the opportunity to try male clothing for yourself.” she teased, a smile breaking out across her face.

Aubrey became flustered and could feel his face become quite red and responded by clutching the skirts of his gown to compose himself. It was such a feminine gesture and one not lost on his interrogator.

“I knew it.” the woman laughed triumphantly and Aubrey could see Sarah, standing behind the newcomer, suppress her own laughter.

“This young girl had quite enough of male clothing as a child.” Mrs Fitzgibbon interjected “it seems her mother wanted a boy and dressed the poor girl in boy’s clothing for several years. I believe she is extremely content in feminine clothing.”

Aubrey cringed at her words and felt a deep sense of humiliation that he was now seen as a compliant girl. What had begun as a short but perilous journey from Lady Charlotte’s home to Mrs Cockshott’s residence had reached yet another circle of Aubrey’s own personal hell.  Despite his worst fears he was both relieved and intensely ashamed that both older women- even though they had commented on certain male traits - had finally concluded that he was indeed a member of their own sex. However the arrival of this newcomer made Aubrey even more anxious and he wasn’t at all sure his feminine masquerade had convinced her. Furthermore he now realised her question about wanting to wear trousers hit a nerve and he felt his face had betrayed him. Now even more than ever he wanted to disappear from her presence as he was sure it would not take too much for her to expose him as a male in girl’s clothing.

“Perhaps you ladies would like to join me for the suffragette meeting.” the woman said as reluctantly she drew her eyes away from Aubrey. “I can assure you not all suffragettes dress as I do in fact the vast majority of our members are ladies as elegantly attired and as socially connected as yourselves. Mrs Bonneville- Smyth, Lady Clarice Douglas, Lady Charmine Hill and Her Grace the Duchess of Beaufort will be only a few of the many distinguished ladies attending. ”

Aubrey could see that both women were visibly impressed by the list of prominent society ladies.

“That does seem a delightful prospect.” Mrs Fitzgibbon said clearly excited about the prospect of joining such exalted company “perhaps we may have been a little hasty in our judgement, we have an appointment close by which will not detain us too long and we may join you afterwards.”

“I look forward to it, I’m sure the meeting would love to hear your very progressive views.” the young woman said raising her top hat as the older women took their leave excitedly engaged in conversation. She turned to Aubrey and Sarah

“And so we are finally alone.” the young woman said addressing both of them but her eyes fixed firmly on Aubrey. The encounter with Mrs Fitzgibbon and Mrs Carville Aubrey had been daunting but the way this woman looked at him made him even more nervous if that was possible. It was obvious that his appearance had piqued her interest and he could see her eyes scrutinizing every part of him, he clutched his skirts to keep his hands from shaking.

“Such a pretty little thing.” she said finally as she gently stroked his face with the back of her hand.

Aubrey felt a sudden sensation of vulnerability overwhelm him. He had often used the phrase ‘Such a pretty little thing’ on many occasions when alone with girls especially servant girls in houses he had been a guest in. He constantly used it to the housemaids in his own home- much to his mother’s annoyance. It asserted his dominance as a male over the female. A man could do this, it is the male privilege, after all males are the stronger sex and this is reflected in their manly fashions. On the other hand the voluminous and pretty gowns and petticoats of soft silks, satins, taffeta or velvet that women and girls were obliged to wear projected powerlessness and submissiveness. Wearing trousers conferred an innate superiority on its owner over the female sex, it was the natural order of things. Everyone accepted this.

Now enveloped in female clothing and confronted with such a confident figure dressed in fashionable male apparel Aubrey was immediately aware he was now on the receiving end of such treatment. The gown he wore ensured his submissiveness. The resentment he felt was instantaneously subdued by the knowledge that the merest flicker of male arrogance would surely lead to his exposure as a young man disguised as a girl and the abject humiliation that would follow. Fear of exposure was uppermost in his thoughts and he would do anything to ensure it would not happen. The weeks of being forcibly dressed as a girl under the strict feminine regimen of Lady Charlotte and Alice his Governess ensured he was aware how a young lady should behave particularly when in the presence of a lady of authority. Such was the apprehension these women had instilled in him he became a very accomplished pupil proficient in most aspects of the feminine realm. In fact such was his immersion in his new way of life- and very much to his disgust- on the rare occasions he was left alone he now found himself forgetting many of his male mannerisms and behaving in an almost completely feminine manner. Now, encountering yet another self-possessed and assertive woman the submissiveness implanted in him triggered a response that was now almost automatic. He curtsied.

“Yes very pretty.” she repeated as Aubrey blushed at her flattering remark.

“Thank you...”he answered meekly, unsure as to what form of address he should use“...sir.”

Aubrey could see that she seemed pleased at his choice.

“Yes, I do look the part.” she laughed as she gestured to her clothes. “When dressed like this people tend to call me ‘sir’ or Mister Robert but as we are practically friends you can call me Robert.”

“Robert?” Aubrey blurted.

“Well Roberta is my actual name.” she said “but Robert feels more appropriate when dressed in male clothing. You should try it some time, free yourself from your skirts. I’m sure you would like it and with your boyish looks and figure I think you could just about mange it without arousing too much suspicion.”

The very idea of a woman wearing male clothing under normal circumstances was bad enough but now he was forced to endure this spectacle of female emancipation while he himself was dressed as a girl. For Aubrey this was a total injustice, an unbearable humiliation howeve he felt his anger would betray him if he looked at her directly and so he dropped his eyes to the ground.

“And what should I call you?” she said seemingly taking this act as a sign of shyness.

“Aubrey.” he replied softly, stifling his resentment.

“Well young Aubrey why don’t you and your friend accompany me to the suffragette meeting.” Roberta said reaching out and touching his hand “and perhaps we could have tea afterwards.”

“I’m sorry Miss.” Sarah answered for him and linked her arm with Aubrey’s and began to move him away “we would love to join you but we are on an errand for my mistress and we are already late.”

“Oh dear that is such a great pity.”Roberta said the disappointment clearly evident on her face and her gaze fell on Aubrey and smiled “I really was hoping we could get to know each other better.”

Even in his heightened state of anxiety Aubrey recognised he –or to be more precise his female persona-   had never been paid so much attention by a girl  and despite wearing a corset and petticoats he felt a frisson of excitement run through him. He felt his cheeks redden once more and saw a smile form at the corner of Roberta’s expressive mouth. Sarah saw it too.

“Come along Aubrey.” she said brusquely and tugged his arm sharply.

“Perhaps I can accompany you...” Roberta began to say before a voice from behind her called her name.

Two fashionably dressed ladies arrived with a swish of skirts and ignoring Aubrey and Sarah immediately engaged Roberta in conversation. Sarah quickly seized the opportunity to remove themselves from the company and as he was being shepherded away Aubrey could see Roberta trying to extract herself from her new companions but to no avail.

“You are even more of a girl that I thought.” Sarah said gruffly, her annoyance confirmed by her furrowed brow and the quickness of her walk. Aubrey remained silent.

“Yes.” Sarah continued, the irritation in her voice was clear, “you are quite the little coquette. Looking at her with your big doe eyes and fluttering your eyelashes. Don’t think I didn’t notice, the only thing you didn’t do was raise your skirts and show her your ankles.”

“I... but...”Aubrey protested but Sarah tugged his arm sharply and continued her reprimand.

“After all I have done for you, helped you with your appearance and taught you how to behave as a girl to ensure you would not be found out. And this is how you repay me! I should have left those two ladies discover your secret, I wonder what your new admirer would say if she knew you were a boy and a pathetic, spineless one at that. What type of male readily agrees to be put into a corset and petticoats?”

Aubrey’ immediate reaction was to protest, she knew very well he was forced into girl’s clothes but it was obvious from Sarah’s mood that any attempt to object would only exacerbate his problems and besides the last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself. He bit his tongue and remained silent as she continued to harangue him, holding firmly by the hand like a naughty child she pulled him along the pathway his skirts swishing around his legs. Aubrey felt weak and powerless in her grip. As they made their way through the park Sarah, to his extreme embarrassment not to mention dread, would occasionally stop within earshot of some ladies and berate Aubrey for some imaginary faux pas. This invited stares and smiles from the women and resulted in Aubrey apologising profusely and pleading with her to forgive him. Only when he was on the verge of tears and it looked like one of the women was about to interfere she considered he was punished enough and continued with their journey.

By the time they passed through the park’s gates and onto the adjoining street Aubrey was suitably chastised and once again firmly under Sarah’s thumb. Several hundred yards along the street Sarah stopped in front of an imposing townhouse.

“Mrs Cockshott’s house.” she said gesturing to the front door and added with a snigger “or I should say your new mistress’s home.”

The ordeal he had gone through in the park had pushed the purpose of his visit to Mrs Cockshott’s to the back of his mind. However now standing outside her house he was confronted with the dreadful reality that Mrs Cockshott seeing him dressed as a girl in Lady Charlotte’s bedroom had presumed him to be her very good friend’s lady’s maid and had cajoled her into ‘borrowing’ him on a temporary basis until she engaged her own staff.  Reluctantly Lady Charlotte had agreed but to ensure he would not be unmasked she had Sarah accompany him to make certain he behaved in an appropriately feminine manner as a well trained servant girl.

Several weeks of being forcibly dressed as a girl had quickly eroded his masculinity and with it his self confidence, he was now only a shell of the young man he was on that fateful day he entered Lady Charlotte’s home. He really didn’t think his situation could get any worse but now he was about to experience the life of a domestic servant and as he stood at the steps to the grand house where he was now to enter as a servant girl. He felt a wave of subjugation overwhelm him.

Two months ago I was a vigorous young man about town as masculine as you can get, frequenting bars, music halls as well as some of London’s less salubrious establishments he dejectedly said to himself now, not only am I dressed as a girl but I am meant to be maidservant, a lady’s maid to this dreadful woman. How could Lady Charlotte allow this to happen if only....

“I wonder if your new mistress is as considerate as Lady Charlotte.” Sarah voice interrupted his thoughts “some mistresses can be quite demanding of their maids. Of course girls who have spent their formative years in domestic service are familiar with the rigours of life as a maidservant but you...”

She looked at Aubrey, the expression on her face a mixture of contempt and smugness, before continuing,

“... you as a male have no idea what it means to be a girl never mind any understanding of what it is to be a servant, constantly being deferential and servile and at your mistress’s beck and call every minute.”

She paused to allow him to absorb this before adding with a sardonic smile,

“However I’m sure you will find it a very rewarding experience.”

Aubrey felt his heart sink. Born into wealth and privilege he had led a cosseted life surrounded by servants who waited on him hand and foot. This was the natural order of things in the same way women were inferior to men, servants were subservient to their social superiors. To enforce this social hierarchy it was necessary and to distinguish servants from their employers and servants were required to wear a uniform. In his mother’s house he had often eavesdropped on maids conversations and knew that they resented having to wear a uniform and especially disliked wearing their apron and cap, saying it made them look and feel completely servile. At the time he recalled thinking this was the point, after all servants were supposed to be servile and their uniform should reflect their status. He felt a shiver run down his spine and could not bring himself to even contemplate the notion of life or even a few hours as a maidservant.

When will this nightmare end he thought to himself.

 “Time to get you inside.” Sarah said, bringing him back to reality.

Resigned to the fact there was no escape he put his foot on the first step.

“And where do you think you are going?” Sarah said as he looked at her blankly.

“The front door is not for the likes of us.” she continued and gestured to the steps leading to the basement “You are a maid now and maids never use the front door. It’s the servants’ entrance for you, my girl.”

Sarah saw the look of wretchedness on the boy’s face and couldn’t help smiling. It was the same look he had every morning when she entered his bedroom, a look that conveyed his devastation at yet another day of utter mortification and ignominy.

Well today he is getting another helping of humble pie or maybe that should be humiliation pie she chuckled to herself as she watched him lift his skirts and descend the grey stone steps to the servants’ door. Even though she had observed a feminine sensibility envelop him over the previous weeks she still marvelled at how certain womanly traits had become ingrained in him in such a short time period.

Perhaps he doesn’t have the innate gracefulness or the natural elegant movement of a female and he is a little ungainly she thought as she followed him but he does seem to have certain feminine qualities just below the surface. I can’t quite put my finger on it, his individual features are definitely more male than female which is why those ladies were unsure of his true sex but somehow they combine and blend to project a form of an odd, unorthodox femininity. It is as if his female clothing is almost influencing his facial features, replacing the arrogant self- confidence of the male with a more passive, subdued feminine expression. Wearing female attire has certainly cured him of his arrogance so perhaps the softening, almost feminising of his facial expression is just an extension of this. Whatever the reason it is having a most beneficial effect on him.

Sarah knocked on the door and after a few moments a girl a little younger than Aubrey and dressed in a drab grey dress with a mob cap and grubby and stained  apron opened it.

“Mrs Cockshott is expecting us.” Sarah informed the girl.

“Who is it girl?” a gruff voice bellowed from within and the girl beckoned  Sarah to enter.

Standing at the large kitchen table surrounded by ceramic dishes and copper pots was a large red faced woman in a mob cap and a light blue dress her apron flecked with assorted bits of dough and cake mixture.

“You must be the new maid.” the cook barked at Sarah.

“No.”Sarah answered in an assured voice refusing to be intimidated and gestured to Aubrey “this is the new maid. I just accompanied her here.”

Aubrey visibly winced at his new title.

“The mistress is in the blue drawing room.” the cook growled and shouted at the kitchen maid “show them the way and don’t be seen by the mistress. Upstairs is not for the likes of you.”

Aubrey could see the intimidation on the face of the kitchen maid as the girl scurried towards the door he and Sarah followed her. The cook looked Aubrey up and down as he passed her.

“Madam always did have an eye for the pretty ones.” she chortled as she gave him a curious look.

Aubrey shivered as he quickly walked past her.

At the top of the back stairs the kitchen maid opened the door and pointed at another door across the spacious vestibule.

 As Sarah led the way across the polished black and white tiled floor Aubrey thought to himself how well he knew all the houses in this neighbourhood and how he had visited them many times for various social occasions, birthday parties, music recitals and those awful plays that the Ladies Drama Society insisted on performing. But he had never entered by the servants entrance nor had he been dressed as a girl...well except that one time or maybe the other time when....

“Here we are.”Sarah said cutting off his recollections of times past and began fussing with his hair and straightening his dress, she smiled sardonically “we want to make sure you create a good impression on your new mistress.”

“But she’ll know I’m not....”he whispered frantically, “female.”

“Of course she will. Just remember all that Miss Alice, Lady Charlotte and I have taught you.”Sarah answered quietly “remain calm and remember you’re a girl now. A servant girl.”

Aubrey looked at her and opened his mouth to give a half-hearted protest but she immediately cut him off,

“Say it!” Sarah snapped in a hushed tone “It’s for your own good.”

Aubrey hesitated, he desperately needed to keep a grip on his masculinity. Now she wanted him to admit to being a girl, how could he agree to this and still retain a claim on his maleness?

Sarah persisted, playing on his worst fears.

“If you are going to have any chance of convincing Mrs Cockshott and avoiding public exposure and humiliation you really need to believe it yourself. Do you really want your little secret to be discovered? To be exposed to public ridicule?”

He had no answer.

“I thought so. You’re only chance is to accept yourself as a girl. Once you consider yourself female it will be so much easier for you.”

Emphasising her point she fluffed out his skirts and adjusted his bodice, his eyes could not met hers.

“We don’t have much time.” she whispered urgently as she raised her hand to knock on the door “I can help you but you need to help yourself. Are you a boy or a girl??”

His brain was in turmoil, his heart racing and his knees weak from the events in the park not to mention the prospect of meeting Mrs Cockshott once more.

“A girl.” he said quietly, cringing at the words leaving his mouth.

Sarah looked at him with eyebrows arched and he knew she wanted more.

“A servant girl.” he added softly.

“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” she said and knocked on the door “ Mrs Cockshott is expecting a servant girl so remember to act and think like a maid at all times and you will have no problems.”

A voice called from with within and they entered the large drawing room.

Mrs Cockshott was standing at the mantelpiece in a pale green taffeta gown, her overskirt of figured silk elaborately draped at the back, her underskirt  of olive taffeta was ruched, trained and trimmed with pleated flounces. She looked regal and quite intimidating as she raised her eyes from a book to inspect the figures standing at the door.

“Ah! my new maid.” she said as her eyes fixed on Aubrey, ignoring Sarah. “well come closer girl.”

A feeling of panic grew inside him and his feet were rooted to the floor, Sarah had to take his hand and lead him to the imposing female figure.

“Such a timid little creature.” she said as Sarah positioned him in front of her “A little closer,   I won’t bite you. What is your name again?”

“Aubrey.” he answered, lowering his eyes

“Madam.” Mrs Cockshott said quietly but very firmly.

The restrained but authoritative tone in her voice was one he had heard his mother and many ladies of similar social standing use to their maids, it was employed to establish boundaries between mistress and maid. It never failed to have effect and immediately reminded him of his new position as her servant. He was quite close to her now and she showed no signs of suspecting his true sex, Sarah’s words suddenly materialised in his brain ‘act and think like a maid’.

“Yes Madam.” he said meekly “I’m sorry Madam.”

“Mmm, I see you really are lacking in the basic formalities of domestic service.” she said as she walked the short distance to the blue damask couch and gracefully arranged her bustle before lowering herself onto the seat.

Aubrey looked at her blankly, Sarah was behind him and could not help.

“I see what Lady Charlotte meant when she said you were untrained.” she sighed a note of mild exasperation in her voice before explaining as if to a five year old as her eyes examined his face“ I can see why she took an interest in you, an  ingénue perhaps, slightly gauche and such curious features for a girl.”

She stood back and continued, her voice now a little more assertive,

“Maids are required to curtsy to their mistresses. It makes me wonder where exactly did Lady Charlotte find you.”

Aubrey cursed himself for such basic mistake, the last thing he wanted was to answer awkward questions. He felt a surge of panic, Sarah’s words returned once more.

What would a girl new to domestic service say to her new mistress?

Any humiliation he felt at taking on the persona of a maid was quickly overcome by the fear of further probing by Mrs Cockshott.

“I’m sorry Madam” he blurted and taking his skirts in his hands dropped a respectful curtsy   “I’m a little nervous, apart from Lady Charlotte I’m not used to meeting ladies of  high social standing.”

His curtsy and explanation seemed to mollify Mrs Cockshott and her face softened.

“Quite understandable I suppose. As I told your mistress I will need a maid on a temporary basis until I employ my own servants. You will attend me as a lady’s maid and there will be other household duties. You can begin by unpacking the rest of my luggage.”

Having concluded the interview Mrs Cockshott walked towards the door and waited for Sarah to open it acknowledging her with a nod of her head she swept past her into the hall and crossed the expansive hall to the wide staircase. As he hurried after her he felt a sense of relief that he had survived his initial audience with this overwhelming woman and realised that apart from a reference to his unusual features she had not appeared to suspect anything dubious about her new maid.

Sarah just behind him smiled as she watched him expertly and without hesitation gather his skirts in both hands and lift them just above his ankles as he followed Mrs Cockshott up the stairs.

The physical aspect of wearing ladies clothes is becoming natural to him Sarah said to herself I wonder how long it will take for his psychological state to assimilate his feminine side.

Mrs Cockshott stopped outside her bedroom door and nodded at Aubrey who instinctively knew he was required to open it. The room itself was beautifully decorated dominated by the large pale green satin covered bed with comfortable chairs positioned around the room the gentle scent of freshly cut flowers wafted throughout the room. Aubrey followed her through another door to her dressing room which was almost as large and had a vast closet where he noticed gowns hung on rails with several travel trunks stacked along one wall.

“As you can see my luggage has just arrived.” Mrs Cockshott said as she retrieved a set of keys from the Queen Anne dressing table and proceeded to the line of trunks and opening one of them took out a gown of grey silk faille and held it up to her. “Quite beautiful don’t you think?”

“Yes Madam.” Aubrey answered, not forgetting to bob a curtsy.

“You will unpack these trunks and hang the various gowns in their designated areas.” she instructed indicating the various sections of the closet. “Morning gowns here, walking dresses there, afternoon gowns in this section and so on. Do you understand?”

“Yes Madam.” he replied.

“And ensure you treat them carefully, I do not want to see any stains, tears or damage of any sort.” she instructed.

“Yes Madam.” he repeated.

“Excuse me Madam, may I have a word?” Sarah’s voice called from the doorway, she curtsied as Mrs Cockshott passed her and stopped to look back at Aubrey who stood there with a confused look on his face.

“Well, get on with it girl.” she said brusquely handing him the keys and turned to return to the bedroom with Sarah.

Left alone Aubrey felt a sigh of relief and decided he had better begin his task just in case Mrs Cockshott returned to reprimand him. As he opened the first trunk and took out a delicate blue green silk velvet gown with deep pleats and a large bustle he caught sight of himself in the dressing room mirror. A sudden feeling of despair engulfed him as he saw a reflection not of a manly, red blooded male but a tightly corseted feminine figure in a voluminous navy silk gown. Despite being confined to such clothing for months the one thing he disliked intensely was seeing his reflection, something he was forced to do several times daily in Lady Charlotte’s home to remind him of his new role. This always reinforced his powerlessness at the hands of the women who now controlled him. He sighed and mentally added Mrs Cockshott to this seemingly ever growing list.

“A change of plan I’m afraid.” Mrs Cockshott’s voice rang out from the doorway of the dressing room “Come here girl.”

 Aubrey carefully laid down the dress he was holding and moved into the bedroom where he noticed Sarah busying herself at the bed.

“It appears my daughter has arrived home unexpectedly with several of her friends.” Mrs Cockshott addressed Aubrey “Cook is preparing refreshments.”

Aubrey looked at her blankly, she returned his look with one of exasperation and little patience.

“Who do you think will serve tea?” she sighed in a slightly irritated voice and did not expect or wait for an answer before continuing “obviously you cannot serve tea dressed like that. I have had your friend here retrieve a suitable parlourmaid’s uniform from one of the maid’s rooms. We have little time, get undressed and into your new uniform.”

“I..ah…” he stammered  but Sarah was already behind him unbuttoning his dress.

“Not the time to argue.” she whispered sharply into his ear.

“But...” he continued to object.

“Remember what I told you, think like a maid, act like a maid.”Sarah quietly but firmly reprimanded him as she continued to undo the buttons and before he could mount any further protest she had pulled his arms from the dress and was tugging it over his hips.

“What pretty petticoats and corset.” Mrs Cockshott said as she held the material in her hand “a present from your mistress no doubt.”

Aubrey nodded and was grateful for the full chemise under his corset which covered his false bosom. Sarah wasted little time and took the dark grey, almost black dress from the bed placed it over his head and quickly buttoned the back, she then produced a full white pinafore apron and in a matter of moments she was trying a large bow at his back. Before he knew it she had placed a white frilled cap on his head and held it in place with pins.

“Excellent. Your cap covers that short hair of yours and thankfully makes you look a little more feminine.” Mrs Cockshott trilled her approval and walked around him making minor adjustments to the dress and apron “I believe a servant’s appearance reflects on her mistress, a maid who is dressed in a drab or dowdy uniform may indicate a similar dull fashion sense in her mistress. However an elegant and stylish mistress will invariably dress her maids in the most charming uniforms.”

Aubrey’s face reflected his disenchantment with his new choice of clothing. It did not go unnoticed by Mrs Cockshott.

“Yes, I know you are being trained as a lady’s maid and did not expect to have to perform a parlourmaid’s duties but I’m sure your mistress would not object.” she said “In fact, knowing Lady Charlotte as well as I do she would be annoyed if you did not carry out my wishes with enthusiasm and a smile on your face.”

He knew she was correct and quickly decided it was best to avoid any disagreement.

Sarah’s advice rang in his ears once more.

Behave like a servant.

“Yes Madam, of course Madam.” he answered meekly and smiled apologetically and curtsied.

“Much better.” Mrs Cockshott said, responding to his subservient attitude in a softer voice “I’m sure you understand I really cannot have a maid serve my guests without being properly uniformed in a cap and apron.”

“Yes Madam.” he replied with another curtsy.

Mrs Cockshott then turned her attention to Sarah.

“Tell my daughter I will join her and her guests shortly for tea but I need to change before I do so.” 

Once alone she made for her dressing room and selected a midnight blue silk gown with black Brussels lace sleeves, the gold satin pleats at the hem also covered in black lace she handed it to Aubrey and returned to the bedroom.

“Well don’t just stand there girl.” she said “Undress me.”

Since his entrapment at Lady Charlotte’s home Aubrey had been dressed and undressed by maids every day and knew exactly what was required. He laid the gown carefully on the bed and moved quickly to unbutton her dress, he surprised himself at how efficiently he performed the task and was soon on his knees gently tugging the heavy fabric down her torso and over her petticoats. She waited for Mrs Cockshott to step from the crumpled gown before laying it neatly on the bed.

“Lady Charlotte seems to have trained you well.” she said as he opened the gown and laid it out on the floor allowing her to step into it and he pulled it up over her petticoats before buttoning it at the neck.

She walked to the full length mirror and adjusted her sleeves and skirt.

“Yes, this will do.” she said admiring herself in the mirror but from the corner of her eye she observed him closely.

“I think I could feminise you reasonably quickly.” she said almost absentmindedly as she inspected her bustle.

Aubrey felt his heart skip a beat.

Oh no...no...she has finally seen through me.  he screamed inside, he could sense the blood drain from his face and such was his fright he was unsure if he had said this out loud.

“You may think your demeanour is genuinely feminine but I think we both know this is not the case.” she continued, in the mirror her eyes met his.

It took all his strength to keep his legs from buckling.

“I think even you will admit you are somewhat gauche, ungainly.” Mrs Cockshott continued “and your boyish looks while no doubt attractive, can at times can create a most unwelcome masculine aspect to your visage. You could easily be taken for a real boy. In fact I could not make up my mind as to your sex when I first saw you.”

He held on to the chair next to him to steady himself.

“I... It’s not...”he babbled.

“Of course it’s not your fault.” she said ignoring incoherent his gibbering and turning from the mirror continued “You have probably associated with males far too much, imitating their behaviour and picking up their dreadful mannerisms.”

She smiled benevolently and caught both his hands in hers.

“But do not worry.” she said enthusiastically as she gripped his hands even tighter “I can help you embrace your true feminine self, rid yourself of those ghastly male inclinations. You do want this, don’t you?”

Aubrey, immediately realising he had just escaped exposure instinctively knew how he should respond.

“Oh yes Madam.” he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

“Wonderful.” Mrs Cockshott replied and taken in by his lie a broad smile crossed her face. “We can commence your training later but first I have to meet my daughter and her friends. Now run along and begin serving them tea, I will be there shortly.”

Aubrey’s heart was still racing as he descended the stairs and in his anxious state he forgot to lift his skirts and almost tripped.

Why do women have to wear such voluminous clothing? he said to himself in a bitter voice.

He concluded that this was a timely reminder of Mrs Cockshott’s appraisal of his lack of a truly feminine gracefulness, he cursed himself for not being more careful in disguising his masculine traits.  

“It’s about time.” Sarah greeted him brusquely as he reached the bottom of the stairs and pointed to the ornate tea trolley laden with a sliver tea service and delicate pale blue Wedgewood china.

Sarah was about to berate him when Mrs Cockshott came into view descending the stairs in the most graceful fashion like all ladies of good breeding. Aubrey could not help compare her elegance with his own clumsy attempt.

“Time for tea I think.” she said, Sarah opened the door and Mrs Cockshott swept into the drawing room followed by her new parlourmaid.

Aubrey heard the door close behind him, the room was filled with the smell of expensive perfume and chatter of perhaps a dozen female voices. He became extremely nervous as he followed Mrs Cockshott through the throng of silk, taffeta, velvet and satin and afraid to raise his eyes from her trailing gown.

“Leave the tea here and go stand by the window until I summon you.” she instructed.

He had witnessed such gatherings since he was a child and knew exactly what was required of a parlourmaid.

“Yes Madam.” he answered and curtsied and immediately saw Mrs Cockshott’s smile of approval.

After making his way to the window he plucked up the courage to raise his eyes and scan the room. Several ladies were seated on comfortable couches and large armchairs while others congregated in small groups around the room. Although no one seemed to even notice him his anxiety increased even further as he saw mingled in these clusters of ladies were a number of smartly dressed male figures. He had almost calmed himself when Mrs Cockshott who was seated on a couch beckoned him to approach. Now extremely mindful of the need to act in a more girlish manner, he minced in a most feminine gait across the room and careful to avoid the eye contact of the males.   

“We require more tea Aubrey.” she said as he stood in front of her and before he had time to answer a voice came from behind him.

“Aubrey, did I hear you call her Aubrey.” the voice said and its owner suddenly appeared from behind him.

“What a wonderful surprise.” the voice trilled.

Aubrey felt his stomach tighten.

“Mister Robert.” he said and curtsied.

“You know my daughter?” Mrs Cockshott said.

“Daughter?” Aubrey blurted.

“Yes. You silly girl. My daughter.” Mrs Cockshott said eyeing her daughter’s male garb with some distaste.

Mrs Cockshott looked mildly confused.

Roberta looked extremely pleased with herself.

Aubrey looked deathly pale.

 “You won’t be able to run away as easily this time.” Roberta said.