Below is AAVE Chapter 9. Losing the original really set
me back and I struggled to rewrite it so completing it the way I would have
wished would have taken far too long and as I said in my last post I’m under
pressure for time so I’ve tried to finish it as best I can.
Not happy about that but nothing I can do.
At the
moment I’m unsure as to when I can post the next chapter, it will be at least a
month I think.
Hopefully
you will enjoy this, I reread it very quickly so if there are any
typos/grammatical errors I’ve not corrected -apologies in advance.
Thanks again
for all your support I really appreciate it.
Carrie.
A Very
Victorian Education
Chapter 9
CarrieP
“The past is never where you
think you left it.”
Katherine Ann Porter
Katherine Ann Porter
The park
always looked wonderful in the spring and today was no exception, with no wind
and from a cloudless sky the sun was trying its best to bring its warmth to the
world, daffodils were showing their yellow heads and there was the barest hint
of an early cheery blossom. Thrushes, warblers and doves were competing in
their own song contest, in the distance there was the distinct sound of a brass
band playing some military tune. The two smartly but not overly fashionable feminine
figures walking side by side blended into one of Belgravia’s more popular parks on this bright
vernal morning. The only thing that distinguished them from the other people
promenading in the park was their extreme physical proximity, they were so
close that their skirts appeared to merge into one large one they appeared to
be joined at the hip.
“Just smell
that air, doesn’t it make you great to feel alive?” the girl in the black dress
said in an enthusiastic voice as she tugged her companion closer.
Her escort,
eyes fixed on the ground and desperately trying to calm the panic building up
inside, remained silent.
“Oh come
now,” the girl urged “you have been stuck in her ladyship’s house for weeks
now. Surely you must be delighted to leave, that’s what you’ve been dreaming
about for all this time, isn’t it?”
Aubrey, his satin
corset constraining his waist and his three petticoats gently swishing under
the skirt of his tightly fitted blue linen dress was beside himself with
fear. Weeks of wearing nothing but
ladies clothing had robbed him of his masculine confidence and vigour and in a
strange way while inside Lady Charlotte de Winter’s home he had almost become used to the daily
humiliations that were visited upon him initially by Lady Charlotte and then by
Alice who her ladyship had appointed as
his Governess. However now he was outside the front door of that place of
mortification- he was terrified. Every
servant in the house was aware of his true sex and he had become used to their
jibes but here in this park his secret was there for the public to discover. Here
in this park, so close to his own home, some of his friends and neighbours were
bound to be present. He would have no protection and if he was detected as a
male in a dress it would mean public humiliation on a truly large scale. It
would not take much to expose him, a return to any one off several male
characteristics could prove catastrophic, a longer stride perhaps or holding
his arms in a manly fashion or maybe a peculiarly male glance. It could be any
number of male attributes that would surely betray and subject him to ridicule.
He was shaking under his feminine finery and
now he found himself trying to remember Alice’s instructions on deportment.
Under her mistress’s instruction it was his Governess’s task to purge him of
the male traits of pride and arrogance and instil in him a feminine sensibility
and demeanour. Subliminally he had begun to absorb these new feminine
characteristics and although he did not present himself as a model of female
gracefulness he did not exhibit overtly male traits either. He appeared to be a
peculiar hybrid, a work in progress and he was acutely aware of it. He now had
to act and behave in a most feminine fashion if he was not to be exposed but
was unsure if he could maintain such a
performance for any length of time. Hence his extreme anxiety.
Within his
new home he may have been humiliated on a daily basis and although he felt this was an outrageous abomination for any
young man to have to endure he somehow learned to live with the shame
particularly as he found that rebelling would only lead to further degradation.
He knew his ordeal would only last until his mother returned and he strongly
believed that his mother’s friendship with Lady Charlotte would ensure that his
secret would not escape beyond the walls of her house, her maidservants may
have enjoyed his many humiliations but they would respect their mistress’s
views on the matter. However exposure to the public in this park would mean
ridicule for life, his future would be ruined. It was a terrifying prospect for
a young man but now it was a distinct possibility and the only thing that stood
between him and complete ignominy and lifelong mortification was this servant
girl.
The bright
morning sunshine had encouraged people into the park and as they moved through
the wide pathways park Aubrey became more nervous as people began appearing and
passing them. Sarah stopped at bench and gestured him to sit, his training
under Alice automatically rose to the surface as he gracefully held his skirts
and lowered himself onto the bench and the arranged them to cover the hems of
his petticoats. Sarah continued to badger him.
“Admit it!”the girl exclaimed, more than a
hint of impatience in her voice to hear him confess his inner most desire to
flee Lady Charlotte’s home. “You desperately wanted to flee from the house.”
She stopped
and gazed at him, her eyes burning into his but he could not meet her stare and
he glanced downwards. She tugged him sharply, in part to get his admission in
part to assert her new found, if temporary, authority over him. He surrendered.
“Yes I
dreamed of leaving.” he conceded his eyes still glued to the ground.
Sarah smiled
with satisfaction, she placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head and
looked directly into his eyes.
“Yes of
course you did.” she said, a note of insincerity in her voice as she patted him
gently on the knee and lifted his skirts before letting them fall again “but as
you can see it hasn’t changed anything. Plus ça change, plus c’est la meme
chose. It has merely catapulted you into the public arena. A boy dressed in female clothing. I can only
imagine how this must make you feel but it really is your own fault.”
“What!”he snapped.
“Don’t take
that tone with me young man.” Sarah rebuked him forcefully and pointing to an
area in the middle distance added menacingly “unless of course you would like
me to attract those nice looking officers from the Household Cavalry over
there.
“No.. No..
Sarah please I’m sorry.” he pleaded his voice quavering.
“Miss.”
she said, he looked at her blankly but her eyes told him what was required, “I
would like you to address me as Miss when we are alone.”
He hesitated
for a moment and he saw her about to raise her hand in the direction of the
smartly dressed group of officers. He grabbed her arm tightly his panic clearly
obvious.
“No..
please... Miss.” he begged, conceding that this servant girl was now his
superior and confirming her authority over him.
Sarah smiled
triumphantly seeing such an arrogant young man humiliated and forcibly dressed
as a girl over the last several weeks was intoxicating, dressed in the finest
silks and satins he was only a mere shadow of the male that strutted through
her mistress’s door. Having him under her control was exhilarating
she felt her pulse quicken and a familiar warm feeling spread through her
nether regions. She squeezed her thighs together and let out a barely audible
moan before composing herself.
“You see,”
she explained sweetly as she fussed with an imaginary fold in the fabric of his
skirt “if you had chosen a nice pretty dress in a bright colour instead of the
plain navy one you are wearing now Mrs Cockshott would not have mistaken you
for a maid and you would still be safely under Lady Charlotte’s roof dressed
like a lady and waited on hand and foot by us. Now, temporarily at least, you are one
of us. A servant girl.”
She was
right but how was he to know Mrs Cockshott would have appeared from nowhere.
“I hope this
has taught you a valuable lesson young man.” she declared in a condescending
voice and fixing him with her piercing eyes waited for the appropriate
response.
“Yes Miss.”
he duly obliged cringing at the sound of his answer leaving his mouth but he
was in no position to argue with her, not with so many people about.
Her face
took on the smug look that such superiority grants but it was short lived.
“You girls!”
a booming voice came from their left.
They were so
engrossed in their affairs they had not seen the two fashionably dressed middle
aged matrons approach them until they stood in front of their bench. Sarah
jumped up quickly followed by Aubrey.
“Please
remove yourselves.” the larger of the two women ordered in a tone of voice that
brooked no dissent or argument. “I always sit on this bench at this time of the
day.”
Being a well
trained servant girl Sarah instinctively understood the social convention when
encountering ladies of the highest rank and these ladies were clearly women of
status she grabbed a clearly terrified Aubrey and jumped up immediately and
curtsied. Aubrey, his mind saturated with his Governess’s instructions
regarding meeting women older than himself, also automatically curtsied. From
the corner of his eye he could see from Sarah’s expression that she too was
shaken by this intrusion and this only intensified his fear.
“We’re so sorry
Madam.” Sarah said “we don’t usually use the park at this time.”
Aubrey took
a step backward and positioned himself between behind Sarah and the women, both
ladies ran their eyes over the two young figures in front of them.
“Yes it is
an unusual time to see two young women in the park.” the lady wearing a grey silk
dress with gold pleating at the hem was the first to speak and with the full authority
of her class felt entitled to enquire “and what brings you here at this hour?
Have you nothing better to do?”
“We were
making our way to Mrs Cockshott’s residence at the other side of the park
Madam.” Sarah answered.
“Ah, so
Leonora has finally returned.” her companion said “and you are..?”
“I am Lady
Charlotte de Winter’s housemaid Madam.” Sarah replied and bobbed a curtsy.
“Yes I
thought I recognised you from my last visit, if I remember correctly you
assisted me after dinner with my evening gown. An efficient girl but then Charlotte
always trained her maids to a high standard. Tell her Mrs Phillipa Fitzgibbon
and Mrs Octavia Carville sends their regards and will call on her shortly.”
“And who is
this creature?” Mrs Carville raised her
lorgnette to her eyes and inspected Aubrey “Come here girl, I won’t bite you.”
Aubrey
emitted a low whimper and felt his legs weaken, Sarah instantly saw that both
women were intrigued by her companion and while they were aware that she was a
servant girl it was obvious from their expressions that they could not make the
same assumption regarding Aubrey. She could see that they were slightly
perplexed at the figure in front of them, Aubrey’s androgynous features introduced
an element of bafflement and combined with his plain but stylish dress they
were clearly puzzled at what to make of “it” which further generated a sense of
uncertainty regarding his character or social status. She recalled even when he
first strutted arrogantly into her mistress’s house dressed in his own clothes,
all the servants could see that despite this arrogant male posturing he did not
possess the classic rugged male characteristics of other young men of his age
and class. However, what did come as a surprise was the way in which his
features seemed to soften once her mistress had put him in female clothing. The
overall effect was one of ambiguity which intrigued anyone who came into
contact with him. It was a most perplexing experience and Sarah now saw his
appearance was having a similar effect on these society ladies. Sarah quickly
decided that she had to distract the women before they began to suspect
something was amiss with the object of their curiosity. As these thoughts ran through her mind she
noticed the boy was beginning to panic even more than usual. She turned to him
discreetly nodded and mouthed the word ‘calm’ before turning back to the ladies
and decided to be proactive and volunteer the information while being economic
with the facts.
“As Mrs
Cockshott has only returned recently from her travels she requires assistance
with reorganising her household.” Sarah fibbed before either of the ladies could
begin questioning Aubrey “and as my mistress was unable to call on her today
she felt we may be of some benefit to her.”
She thought
this seemed to satisfy them and she gently pushed Aubrey away in an attempt to
leave their company but the ladies were not quite finished.
“Just a moment
my dear.” Mrs Burke Carville said stopping their exit. “we won’t detain you too
long, it’s not often we see such an unconventional set of features on a girl.”
Mrs Fitzgibbon
joined her companion in her examination of the boy. Aubrey became almost
overcome with fear, his eyes dilated and his mouth opened enough to give him
the appearance of a frightened kitten only Sarah’s steadying hand on his upper
arm kept him from falling
“Quite an
unusual visage, Octavia.” she said to her friend as if she was commenting on a
rare animal in a zoo “for a moment I thought it was a boy.”
Aubrey could
hear his heart pounding in his chest as both women giggled at the idea.
“A boy is a
dress!” her companion guffawed as she inspected Aubrey a little closer “Now that
would be a sight to see. Although I have never seen such a practice I have
heard that some women impose such a feminine regime on their recalcitrant sons.
Apparently it has a most beneficial effect on them.”
“Do you mean
to tell me that some mothers actually put their sons in petticoats and dresses
to improve their moral character?” Mrs Fitzgibbon asked incredulously.
“Corsets,
petticoats, chemises, every item of female clothing.” Mrs Carville answered and
both women engaged in a frenzied exchange.
Their
conversation meant Aubrey was temporarily no longer the focus of their attention
and discreetly moved a few steps backwards and although he gained a slight
respite from this break in their interrogation he was nonetheless cringing
inside as Mrs Carville described his very own situation. From his peripheral vision
he could see a smile form at the corner of Sarah’s mouth.
“My dear,
Phillipa.” Mrs Carville continued “as we only know too well our own sex possess
certain attributes that, if not controlled or restricted, can form a weak nature and feeble mind which
will undoubtedly lead down a path of moral turpitude and degeneracy. Ladies
clothing and corsetry is designed to ensure we retain our sense of feminine
decorum at all times. Lack of restrictive clothing is the reason the male of
the species is so wild, reckless and irresponsible.”
Mrs
Fitzgibbon nodded enthusiastically in agreement as Mrs Carville resumed her
lecture.
“Could you
imagine a girl, at...”and she gestured towards Aubrey “this young person’s age
or younger without the restriction of corsets and layers of petticoats. She
would have all the freedom to do anything she wished, run about unfettered, get
into all sorts of mischief- just like a boy. It would be mayhem, a recipe for disaster. It
is my firm belief that the restrictive nature as well as the many layers of
feminine clothing is what saves the female sex from debasing and corrupting itself,
our corsets keep us firmly in control of our desires allowing us to channel
this energy into elegance and grace. Our heavy petticoats and voluminous gowns
ensure that even if we wanted to we could not partake in any undesirable or
morally questionable activity.”
“Unlike
males.” Mrs Fitzgibbon retorted with a snort of derision “Vile creatures, it
has been my experience that, as a sex, they are only motivated by their base
desires and show absolutely no restraint whatsoever. They would find it
extremely difficult to engage in their degenerate behaviour while dressed in
layers of satin and taffeta.”
“Exactly my
dear Phillipa.” Mrs Carville trumpeted “It would have a most beneficial effect
on them. After all are we not the epitome of elegance, grace and decorum?”
With a
genteel motion of her head, Mrs Fitzgibbon agreed with her friend, both women
then returned her attention once more to Aubrey.
“Come here
girl!” Mrs Carville ordered and Aubrey his eyes lowered was once more forced
back in front of his interrogators.
“Your name
girl?” Mrs Fitzgibbon asked brusquely and Aubrey’s heart rate increased once
again.
“Aubrey,
Madam.” he whispered and managed a passable curtsy.
“Did she say
Aubrey?”
Mrs Carville asked in a perplexed tone.
“I believe
she did Octavia.” Mrs Fitzgibbon
remarked “no wonder the poor thing is confused. I consider the name Aubrey a
boy’s name and always thought that giving children names that lacked a clear gender
distinction would engender a sense of bewilderment and lack of certainty.”
“I could not
agree more Phillipa, very confusing for all concerned.” Mrs Carville concurred
“I believe this usually happens when the mother wants a child of the opposite
sex.”
Both women fixed
their gaze on the boy and he could see that their facial expressions softened
and were quite sympathetic as they drew closer, so close their skirts touched
his and he felt the weight of their heavy silk and taffeta gowns brush against
him, their perfume, violet and orange blossom drifting up his nasal passages.
He felt Sarah’s hand grip on his arm strengthen preventing him from staggering.
“Your mother
probably wanted a boy, dear child.” Mrs Fitzgibbon said sympathetically as she
took her hand in his. Aubrey, now enveloped on all sides by femininity, could
only lower his eyes to the ground as she continued in a gentle voice
“Doubtless she dressed you as a boy and may even have encouraged you to act in
a masculine way.”
Aubrey could
not lift his eyes from the ground, both women took this as confirmation of
their theory.
“Oh you poor
girl!” Mrs Fitzgibbon continued as she gently placed her fingers under his chin
and lifted his head “it must have been horrible being forced to wear those
ghastly male trousers I hope it did not go on for too long?”
Looking at
him directly in the eyes Aubrey was compelled to answer her question.
“No, not too
long.” he could only whisper and immediately felt Sarah’s grip tighten a
fraction.
“You
probably think because of your ...ahem...unusual features you are not as pretty
as the other girls. Is that it?” Mrs Fitzgibbon said in a comforting tone as
she squeezed his hand gently.
The
proximity to these women and their continual interrogation had Aubrey in a
state of panic.
Not as pretty as the other girls. Aubrey repeated to himself not
knowing whether to be relieved or disgusted. Not as pretty as the other girls what do I say to that? Surely, they must see I’m male.
He felt
Sarah’s grip tighten once more and instinctively knew he would have to give the
answer they required, anything else would surely arouse their suspicions.
Another squeeze from Sarah prompted his response and he nodded his head.
“Well you
are my dear.”Mrs Fitzgibbon gushed encouragingly “a little powder here, some
discreet rouge there and you will be as pretty as any of them.”
She looked
at Sarah before adding,
“Of course
you really need to do something with her hair. Such tight plaiting is far too
unfashionable for a girl her age, much too severe and short. You need to comb
it out.”
“Yes Madam.”
Sarah replied.
“You are
remarkably quiet Octavia.” Mrs Fitzgibbon addressed her friend.
“Aubrey, Aubrey” Mrs Carville repeated
in a puzzled tone “I’ve only heard that name once before. Phillipa, isn’t that
Maude’s son’s name?”
She seemed
to intensify her gaze on the boy, Aubrey felt the knot in his stomach tighten
another notch.
“Why, yes it
is.” Mrs Fitzgibbon answered and she too trained her eyes on Aubrey and with a gentle
rustle of silk and satin moved even closer.
“Of course I
haven’t seen the boy for a few years, he has been away at school.” she said as
she looked more closely at Aubrey who by now could feel his legs becoming weak,
Sarah’s tight grip seemed to be the only thing preventing him from fainting.
“A delicate
boy, I understand.”Mrs Carville said.
“Yes quite
delicate but very pretty. The image of Maude when she was younger” Mrs
Fitzgibbon replied “as I recall he had high cheek bones, skin like porcelain,
full and pouting lips and extremely log eyelashes. Quite feminine in fact, and
far too pretty for a boy, my daughters were extremely jealous. I remember one
year Maude organised a small theatrical performance for all her friend’s
children and when Lady Martinet’s daughter became ill and had to withdraw she
was on the point of cancelling the production and at that very moment who
should enter the room but young Aubrey. He was dressed in clothes which I think
he hoped would make him look much older and more masculine than his appearance
suggested. Of course as the only male in the room and despite his tender years
he still attempted to project male dominance over us weak and delicate
creatures.”
“Typical!” Mrs
Carville snorted.
“Indeed.”Mrs
Fitzgibbon agreed with her companion “However he soon had the wind taken out of
his masculine sails.”
“What
exactly do you mean Phillipa?” Mrs Carville said intrigued at her friend’s
remark.
Sarah,
listening to this conversation intently felt Aubrey try to move away from her
grip but held him firmly in place with a sharp tug.
“Well Lady Martinet,
as you well know is not a woman to be trifled with particularly when it comes
to the arrogant male made a suggestion that excited the entire room ....well
most of it anyway.”
Both women were
temporarily distracted by a low whimper coming from Aubrey’s general direction
before Mrs Fitzgibbon resumed,
“She
proposed that rather than cancel the performance and cause great disappointment to their
daughters and themselves, young Aubrey should take her daughter’s part after
all there were only a few lines and he could read the script from a few cards.”
“En femme” Mrs Carville exclaimed
excitedly.
Another low
pitched whine emanated from Aubrey, Sarah could not suppress her giggles, both
ladies gave them withering looks before Mrs Fitzgibbon continued,
“Precisely!”
Mrs Fitzgibbon exclaimed “As you know Octavia, Lady Martinet suggestions
are in name only they are meant to be obeyed rather than deliberated on. Not
many men could defy her and I have seen grown men, some of them high ranking
military officers almost reduced to tears after they had gone against her
wishes. Naturally a fifteen year old boy stood no chance and the effect on the
young man was immediate. His swaggering self-assurance disappeared almost
instantly and the blood drained from his face…”
She looked
at Aubrey,
“A little
like this girl here…”she observed “what a coincidence, another Aubrey.”
She then
returned to the conversation with her friend.
“Naturally once
he had realised the implications of what she said the poor boy tried to make
his escape but was immediately surrounded by every lady in the room. He was
hemmed in by circle of ladies and could not breakthrough this barrier of silk,
satin, taffeta in fact it seemed as if merely touching these fabrics caused him
great embarrassment. Of course he pleaded to be allowed to leave but his appeal
fell on deaf ears. Lady Martinet and his mother linked him by his arm and
firmly explained that it would be a wonderful gesture it would be to rescue the
performance however he was left in no doubt that failure to comply with this
reasonable request would have consequences, unspecified of course. By this
stage the lad was enveloped by the rest of us, telling him how grateful we were
and what a brave boy he was and within a minute he reluctantly submitted to the
inevitable and accepted his fate.”
“Oh Phillipa, it sounds delightful. I can
almost see it now... a young man trapped inside a circle of swishing satin gown
and rustling petticoats. He must have been terrified” Mrs Carville blurted.
“Oh he was
Octavia.” Mrs Fitzgibbon replied with a smile on her face “but not as terrified
as when his mother rang for the maid and told her to bring in the pink satin
gown he was to wear.”
“Pink satin! How delightful.” Mrs
Carville giggled. “Do continue.”
Aubrey’s face was blushing furiously. Both
women were so engrossed in their conversation that Sarah took the opportunity
to slowly withdraw him a few feet.
“I was wondering
why you looked so natural in a gown, you seem to have had plenty of practice.”
Sarah sniggered in his ear “it seems you were quite the young lady.”
“Please....
Sarah.” he pleaded quietly, his flushed face and downcast eyes clearly
displaying his utter mortification at Mrs Fitzgibbon’s tale. “Please...please
can we go?”
Sarah looked
at him and smiled.
“Of course
we can. But we’re not going to.” she whispered in his ear, “I’m dying to hear
more about this.”
