A Very Victorian Education Chapter 7

I thought I would have had this chapter finished sooner but it took much longer than I had expected, getting a few hours together to  write is becoming more and more difficult -so thanks for your patience. As always, I am grateful to those who were kind enough to comment and also to those who ticked the more box, it’s great to know that people share a similar taste to mine and enjoy what I post.

It’s wonderful to see readers like Guinevere’s debut piece, not an easy thing to put your own work in front of the public so I’m delighted it’s got a positive reaction and rightly so because it’s a really good story.

I’m not really sure if this chapter will live up to your expectations as it probably goes on too long (I rewrote it twice and I’m still not sure it’s right- nothing new about that I suppose) but as usual I have no clear-cut plan for Aubrey and as such this process tends to take on a life of its own.

The poor boy is suffering so much I may put him out of his misery quite soon.

I’ve only had the chance to re-read t this once and I think I’ve caught and corrected all the typos and other errors if not apologies, so hopefully you’ll enjoy this chapter and the accompanying illustration.

Take care.

Carrie

A Very Victorian Education

Chapter 7

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations- one can either do this or that. My honest opinion is this: do it or do not do it – you will regret both. 

Soren Kierkegaard

 Sleep had now become Aubrey St Clair’s best friend, his place of refuge, free from a world where he was now subjected to a humiliation that no youth should ever have to endure. It was in this unconscious state that for a few hours each day he could escape the reality of his new life, a life that bore no resemblance to that of any other young man. For these few hours he lay peacefully in the  embrace of Hypnos, here  he could gain a little but by no means total respite from the persecution of female clothing, from silk chemises and restricting corsets to rustling petticoats and satin gowns.  For these were the feminine garments he was now forced to wear on a daily basis. Mortifying as wearing these clothes were, it was only one aspect of his torment, being subjected to the authority of a Governess who revelled in what she referred to as Petticoat Discipline was even more  of a humiliation.  To add insult to injury this horrible state of affairs was being played out in front of the exclusively female domestic staff all of whom were well aware of the plight and discomfort of their mistress’s guest and took every opportunity to subtly add to his ignominy with their barely disguised snide and sarcastic remarks.  This bizarre and outrageous turn of events had been instigated by Lady Charlotte de Winter who just very recently had been installed in locum parentis by his mother while she was away visiting relatives.

 While asleep however, he was free of these torments and he looked forward to entering this blissful state but even before he could avail of this temporary relief he had to undergo a ghastly night-time beauty regimen- which his Governess had informed him - every lady regardless of age had to adhere to. But sleep never came quickly enough, the soft folds of his silk nightgown enveloping his body acted a reminder of the loss of his masculinity. This night like all the others since his arrival in this house he laid awake tossing and turning, watching the shafts of light from the streetlamps move across the ceiling as he tried to block out some of the worst excesses of recent days. He really could not decide which part of his day was the most mortifying.

“Why do they have to oversee every part of my life?” he said quietly to himself as he recalled the almost military-like ceremony that took place every night before he was allowed to retire.

This always began by stripping him to his chemise before his hair, which was almost shoulder length (a fashion choice he now deeply regretted), was brushed one hundred times by one of the maids after which she would then supervise him as he moisturised his hands  with scented lotion for several minutes. He was then instructed to sit in front of the dressing table mirror and apply various creams and balms to his face, a procedure he was assured would greatly benefit his skin. The maid always took great care in instructing him how to best to perform this routine and despite her obvious amusement she nevertheless took her duties very seriously and was most conscientious in helping him carry out this process. A different maid would attend him each evening and each servant had a similar yet distinct approach, Hilda was very businesslike and forceful when she brushed his hair whereas Sarah and Rita were less overbearing and though remaining quite formal they did show him a little kindness. 

Much as he hated to admit it he did enjoy having his hair brushed particularly by Sarah who was always gentle while using the solid silver brushes and when his Governess was absent for a few moments she seemed most sympathetic to his predicament. He squirmed with pleasure at this recollection, his hands ran over the extremely soft silk material of his nightgown and he writhed with what he knew was an extremely shameful pleasure. This made him blush with guilt and he was glad the lamps had been extinguished. These sensations also triggered a conflict in the boy’s head and he felt a rational male voice inside struggling to gain ascendency over the sensuous current running through his body.

“Idiot!” the inner male voice barked. “You are beginning to like the feeling of this material, no man should enjoy this ultra-feminine material caressing their body- you are being pulled into their feminine orbit. Get a grip-It is vital for the sake of your very masculinity that you resist these temptations.”

“But I am.” he replied quietly, almost afraid that he was not alone and someone might hear him talking to himself.

“It doesn’t seem like that to me.” the reply came back “Lying there luxuriating in your silk and satin nightgown just like a girl and enjoying  having your hair brushed ...again like a girl. And another thing........”

Aubrey sighed as the masculine voice in his head raged on,

“You have showed almost no male pride, you should have resisted from the start. Remember that first night..... you could have least have tried ......”

Of course the voice was correct, he closed his eyes and recalled the events of recent nights.

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He wasn’t sure if this particular occurrence was on the second or third night, his experiences since he arrived at this house had distorted his sense of time but in reality- what did that matter now? All that now mattered was that he should strive to retain some semblance of his masculinity while giving the impression that he was conforming to Lady Charlotte’s aspirations for him and his Governess’s enforcement of her perverted desires. Lady Charlotte had enacted a fiendish scheme which robbed him of his male strength and he was now physically incapable of resisting these women as they forced him to dress and behave like a female.  

The most humiliating of these nights began as usual,he had gone through the ritual of moisturising and then cleansing his skin, removing all traces of the lotions with a soft cotton cloth. He tried to stand up and make his way to the bed but Hilda firmly kept him seated at the dressing table, her strong hand on his shoulder easily restraining him..

“Not so fast young man.” Alice, his Governess, said sharply as she signalled to Hilda “You should know by now that your hair needs to be brushed the before retiring for the night. You seem to be forgetting some of the basic principles of the feminine beauty regimen. Now tell me how many times should a lady’s hair be brushed before bed?”

Perplexed and more than a little unnerved by his Governess’s brusque reprimand the boy desperately tried to remember what he had been told about this particular part of his nightly ritual.

“I ...ah ... emm. ..I  ”he stammered.

Alice momentarily closed her eyes and gently shook her head from side to side in an unmistakable demonstration of her dismay, deep inside he knew he had committed some obscure offence. He felt a familiar panic begin to take hold. After looking at the forlorn boy for what seemed like an age his Governess finally addressed him.

“Oh dear.” Alice sighed, the sound of disappointment in her voice was clearly evident. “After all my efforts I really had hoped you would have absorbed at least the most elementary aspects of a young lady’s hair and beauty regimen. I fear you have not learned anything under my tutelage and furthermore you are either being extremely lazy regarding your lessons or being deliberately obstinate, her ladyship would be most displeased if this was the case.”

“Some of them tend to rebel after a day or two Miss Alice.” Hilda added unhelpfully before he had time to defend himself.

Both women pressed closer, so close that that the sound of his Governess’s rustling petticoats overwhelmed his aural senses. Even now, as fearful as he was and much to his eternal shame, he knew her accusation that he had not learned anything was false. During the many arduous hours in her company he had been subjected to the sound of her -and as much as he hated to admit- his own swishing petticoats. He could now tell with the assured certainty of a natural female the material of a woman’s petticoats from the distinctive sounds made as she made her across the room. He even felt confident enough to accurately guess the number of petticoats worn by said female, this particular skill was acquired from knowledge Alice had implanted in him in lengthy lessons on female deportment and fashion. He wished he could  speak up and tell her this, but now as she stood beside him, the rich velvet of her gown distended by three petticoats of fine linen, silk and taffeta brushing against his silk chemise- he was once again lost for words. The last few days had taught him that if there was one thing worse than being dressed in female clothing in the presence of women it was being in a state of undress- attired in only a corset and chemise. He sat between the two imposing figures nervously fingering the silk material of his undergarment, a look of utter subjugation etched on his boyish face. There was not the merest hint of rebellion from the confused and bewildered young man, he so desperately wanted to tell her he had learned many lessons but his anxiety would not allow the words to form. His only thoughts now were to avoid any punishment that his Governess may wish to impose.

“But ....I’m....I’m...not....”he gulped

“Yes Hilda, they may be  inclined to resist the efforts of their tutors.” Alice agreed with the maid’s observations “but it changes nothing and only causes more unnecessary hardship for the poor darlings.”

Her fingers caressed his cheek as she tilted her head slightly and her eyes gazed intently into his.

“I do hope you are not one of those boys Aubrey? A boy who fails to heed his Governess? A boy who refuses the help and support to become a better person? ........A disobedient boy?”

“Oh no Miss Alice.” the fretful youth blurted, the panic swelling within him.

He was only too eager to please her as his mind immediately recalled his first day under her control when she had produced a horrible thin cane. She had said nothing but merely stroked it before laying it across the satin quilt on his bed. A very subtle message of course and one which was not lost on him, so much so that the image now loomed large inside his head.

“I am so glad to hear it.” she replied, giving him a gentle smile as she continued to stroke his cheek, however he was far from reassured by her smiling countenance as she quickly added “I find there is nothing more disagreeable than an unruly ..........girl...........”

She stopped for an instant, allowing the word ‘girl’ hang in the air before patting his cheek gently as if to emphasise her point before continuing.

“Yes.... an unruly and obstinate girl will severely test her Governess’s patience, such conduct in a young lady is most disappointing  .......naturally such behaviour should and must be discouraged. Do you know how I discourage such girls Aubrey?

From nowhere a cane appeared in Hilda’s hand, wordlessly she handed it to Alice who tapped it gently against her bulky skirts. The only sound to be heard in the room was the clock ticking and the gentle swhish of the cane against her skirts. He looked at the cane and a horrible vision immediately flashed into his brain. In his mind’s eye he could see himself  being forced to bend over the bed wearing nothing but his silk chemise, his face pressed into the satin quilt as his Governess applied several strokes of the cane to his buttocks with only the soft silk material of his chemise protecting them. He had been caned many times at his school and he could still hear the whistle of the cane as it whipped through the air and landing with the most fearsome crack on his bare flesh. The pain and humiliation were seared into his brain and such was his fear that he would do anything to avoid a repetition of the experience.

He gazed beseechingly at his Governess, the dread he now felt far outweighed the shame of being dressed as a girl and he was prepared to do or say anything to avoid such a painful and humiliating punishment. The words formed in his mouth.

“With the...the... cane , Miss Alice.” he said quietly as the sound of his heart beating in his chest now competed with the ticking of the clock.

“What a clever girl you are Aubrey.” she replied as he looked at her blankly, his eyes transfixed on the cane being gently tapped against her skirts. “I do hope you don’t mind me referring to you as a girl.”

He hesitated briefly, her eyes narrowed and the cane in her hand suddenly became more agitated. His knees became weak and he felt his heart quicken as he saw Hilda draw closer.

“Oh no... not at all Miss Alice.” he blurted.

“Excellent I’m so glad to hear that.” she said. “it will make things so much easier for all of us.”

The smile returned to Alice’s face, her head tilted slightly and her eyes widened a little as she fixed them on his with an intensity he had not experienced before.

“But I suppose the real question is.......... are you an obedient girl Aubrey?” she asked as she bent down and gently stroked his face with her handle of the cane. Her warm sweet breath wafted onto his face and her delicate floral perfume invaded his nostrils, both could sense the coup de grâce was imminent and utterly unavoidable.

Aubrey’s brain was in turmoil, he had hoped she would have been satisfied with the answer to her original question, mortifying as it was, and  finally put an end this ghastly interrogation. But no! his shameful admission only served to reinforce his position and sensing his vulnerability now required yet another  humiliating acknowledgement of his new status. It was indeed yet another horrible situation he now found himself in but the look in her eyes and the feel of the smooth cold cane on his face quickly persuaded him that shame and submission was by far preferable to the alternative. The only way to prevent a painful and ignominious punishment was to profess his submissiveness as her docile and feminised pupil.

“I am.....”he hesitated momentarily and swallowed hard before  continuing “.... an obedient girl Miss Alice.” he breathed, his dread of the cane yet again conquering the mortification he was enduring.

An unmistakable broad smile of satisfaction broke out across Alice’s handsome features, the same face which moments earlier had instilled panic and foreboding in the boy was now one of restrained triumph.

“I am delighted to hear you say this Aubrey.” Alice said softly, her voice now light and easy.The cane had already disappeared from view as quickly as it had appeared. His admission had its intended effect, the atmosphere the room was completely transformed as she continued “I... we all have become very fond of you and it would be such a great pity if there was some....unpleasantness. Now let’s get you ready for bed.”

The youth felt a surge relief as she withdrew with a rustle of petticoats and watched as she and Hilda busied themselves at one of the tallboys. After a minute or two Alice returned and took both his hands in her own and smiled gently at him.

“Your acceptance of your situation is most agreeable and shows a sign of your progress, I am impressed and as a gesture of my confidence in your new found commitment to changing your attitude I will allow you to choose your own nightwear.”

She gave him an encouraging smile and returned to join Hilda, his heart skipped a beat he could not believe his ears- finally he was to wear male clothing even if it was only a nightshirt. They actually believed what I said, maybe that’s all she wanted to hear the thought flashed through his mind and he quickly tried to revaluate his situation. He felt a measure of confidence return, now that he had managed to stave off her threats he tried to convince himself perhaps he really did not make such humiliating admissions and even if he had - they really did not mean anything.  Maybe if he continued to feign submission to her methods he may, just may, convince her and Lady Charlotte to abandon this outrageous and bizarre experiment and return his male clothing. Maybe now that Alice had humiliated him enough she would be content, maybe she and Lady Charlotte had realised he had been tormented enough, maybe his mother was returning tomorrow, maybe, maybe , maybe .....

“Come here Aubrey.” he heard his Governess say, rousing him from his thoughts.

He made his way to the bed and despite the soft silk of his chemise brushing against his legs his mood was a little lighter in the knowledge he would at last have some male clothing to wear, even if it was only a nightshirt.

As he arrived at the bed both women parted and his face fell. Spread out on the deep satin quilt was not a masculine nightshirt but several unmistakably feminine nightgowns, one more feminine than the other.

“What’s wrong Master Aubrey don’t you like them?”  Hilda asked a sly smile creasing her mouth. “They are simply gorgeous, her ladyship’s favourites.”

Aubrey was speechless, these are Lady Charlotte’s nightgowns. He stood there gazing at the ultra- feminine nightwear, his mouth wide open as his brain tried to process this unexpected turn of events.

“But.. I ....I ....thought I...you said....I mean.....”he babbled.

“Oh you thought you were to choose male nightwear?” his Governess interrupted his gibberish “whatever made you think that......you silly girl!  Before that can happen we will require a lot of convincing that you have changed your ways, jettisoned your abrasive and macho personality...and acquired a more feminine perspective. Naturally we hope you will come to this conclusion  of your own volition  and through the education you are receiving, just now I thought you were progressing but perhaps I was wrong and you require a more........ physical approach. Should I have Hilda fetch the cane?”

 “Oh ..no ..I was just.....I thought.....”he blubbered, he could feel his heart racing and his palms beginning to sweat as the spectre of the cane was raised once more “I am progressing Miss Alice....I really am.”

His Governess gazed at him intently and he felt as if her eyes were burrowing into his mind and reading his thoughts.

“You really should be grateful and honoured that her ladyship is allowing you to wear one of her beautiful nightgowns.” Alice said, not taking her eyes off him.

The threat of the cane was now paramount in Aubrey’s mind and his priorities had changed once more to avoiding being bent over and trashed by this imposing figure.

“Oh I am grateful.” he quickly replied, putting every ounce of sincerity into his voice.

“Mmm I wonder ?” Alice said not sounding too convinced but her face did not carry that dark look it had earlier and she motioned to the bed “Very well I suppose I will give you the benefit of the doubt, now choose your nightgown. Her ladyship says she would like to see you before you retire for the night.”

 Standing in his chemise Aubrey knew that he if he did not display sufficient enthusiasm in choosing his nightgown he would suffer the consequences. As he was now doing on a daily basis he swallowed his pride and approached the bed where the maid had laid out three nightgowns with matching peignoirs. So as not to arouse his Governess’s suspicion he studied the garments and held them up to his body and tried to display sufficient enthusiasm to assure Alice he was a reformed character. He finally choose what he thought was the least worst option- a simple silk nightgown with pale blue lace at the bodice and hem and the most hideously wide sleeves.

“I think this one is really nice.” he lied and for good measure added “it’s a lovely colour.”

“Hmmm....” Alice mused, her eyes scanning him for signs of insincerity “what do you think Hilda?”

 “An understandable choice Miss Alice, it is very pretty,” the maid answered as she inspected his preferred garment but he noticed her eyes were drawn to one of the others, she picked one up and presented it to Alice “However I think this salmon pink satin one would suit the young master so much better. It has a much better cut around the bosom, don’t you think?........ and the yards of heavy duchesse satin ....well...... it would be impossible not to feel extremely feminine in such a beautiful nightgown.”

Aubrey’s heart sank, of all of them it was the one he most wanted to avoid.

“My thoughts exactly Hilda.” Alice agreed and her eyes met his.

He knew immediately his plan to avoid the hideously feminine nightgown had been easily detected by both women and worse still his attempted deception had caused a crimson glow to appear in his cheeks.

His Governess’s eyes burrowed deep inside him. The room was quiet the only sound was the clock ticking as loud as a military drum beat.

“I ...em...it is ....” he tried to backtrack, his voice stumbling over his words.

“How could you not choose this one!” Alice said in an inquisitorial tone “I do hope you are not merely giving us the impression you have changed your ways – just to fob us off.”

“Oh no Miss Alice, it’s just that I was too hasty in choosing.” he said earnestly, it was a statement that was largely true as he was now extremely fearful he would incur her displeasure and her dreaded cane. “I’m just not used to choosing between such beautiful garments.”

“Perhaps you have a point.” Alice answered “but you should be aware that if I even suspect you are not genuinely attempting to change your attitude and commit fully to Lady Charlotte’s programme I will know it. The male’s ability to mislead and deceive the female sex is greatly diminished once he is stripped of his clothing and petticoated.”

Petticoated! The word hung in the air and echoed in his brain.

Petticoated- He silently repeated the word.  It was a horrid, dreadful and an excruciatingly demeaning phrase to be used about a male, if you were that male of course. Naturally he had heard the term before and even knew of a few boys who were subjected to the ghastly process. Indeed, he had laughed derisively at the very idea of a male being forced into women’s clothes. It was a preposterous notion and any male who allowed this to happen to him deserved to wear – just like his newly acquired petticoats -this badge of shame and humiliation. Like his friends he mocked and ridiculed these youths but deep inside there was always a deep anxiety that one day he may become the victim of such a appalling and nightmarish procedure.

This had now come to pass and he really was living this nightmare. And out of this nightmare his Governess’s voice called out brusquely.

“We are waiting.”

“The pink one” Aubrey said weakly, his eyes fixed on the floor “I would like to wear the pink satin one Miss Alice”

“A wise choice.” Alice replied before addressing the maid “strip and milk him before her ladyship arrives. It would be most unfortunate if he could not control his male clitoris, it would cause serious embarrassment to the mistress.”

Hilda stepped forward and led him to the bed, he remained still as she removed his chemise over his head. He knew what was about to happen but also knew it would be useless to protest. She sat him on the bed and looking him directly in the eyes fondled  and gently squeezed his sexual organs with her soft right hand, he was powerless to halt his member from growing and when it had attained its full glory Hilda began squeezing it gently with a soft satin quilted mitten. It only took a matter of seconds before he erupted into the glove, she expertly drained every drop and cleaned the residue. The entire shameful episode was over within a minute.

“So little self control.”Alice sneered.

“Typical of the male sex.” Hilda agreed in a disdainful voice as she inspected his penis to ensure it was completely dry before disposing of the soiled mitten.

Aubrey was completely subdued and obeyed the maid’s instructions as she slipped the heavy satin over his head and helped his arms through the sleeves of the nightgown.

“Now once more, how many times should a girl have her hair brushed before retiring for the night?” Alice asked sharply.

“One hundred Miss.” he answered quickly.

“Excellent.”Alice trilled before instructing the maid, “Proceed Hilda.”

The maid led him back to the dressing table and began brushing his hair with long steady strokes as he called out the number and a broad smirk broke out across her face as she performed her task with obvious glee.

After the hundredth stroke she stopped , quickly and expertly she pulled his hair tightly into a bun. He watched as the figure of his Governess appeared behind him in the mirror’s reflection and gasped with horror as she produced the most hideous item.  It was a frilled pink satin hair bonnet she then proceeded to place it over his head and tie it securely with an intricate knot. He was unable to conceal his feeling of absolute horror.

“Yes it is such a wonderfully prissy garment.” Alice said “but most effective for keeping one’s hair in the proper and correct position. I suppose it also has the added feature of reminding the wearer of just how feminine she is.”

As he knew only too well any resistance to wearing this awful item would be futile and would merely serve to inflict further and more painful punishment. He could only drop his eyes in shame as Alice continued,

“You must remember what I said earlier, once divested of their clothing males tend to lose the ability to deceive the female sex. You should be aware  I can hear it in a male’s voice when he is lying,  I can almost smell their deceit- yes, even when I am not in the same room so you have to be extremely clever to fool me, young man. Of course I really should punish you with the cane but I am not completely hard hardhearted nevertheless you really need to be taught a lesson, so you will wear this feminine headwear as yet another symbol of your subjugation to the rule of the petticoat.”

As she adjusted the dreadful bonnet she informed him it was to remain in place for the duration of the night perhaps even longer if she was not satisfied he had learned his lesson, he was told in no uncertain terms that if this item was interfered with his punishment would be more severe . He could see that the knot the maid had tied was so unusual that he would never be able to replicate it correctly so he could not remove it even for a short time without being detected by his Governess. He would be forced to wear the dreadful bonnet throughout the night to keep his hair securely in position, naturally he felt this was a totally demeaning for a young man and he actually felt like crying – but then again everything he was now forced to wear was designed to be humiliating. As if he had not endured enough humiliation for one evening the maid steered him to the full length mirror where he could view the ghastly sight for himself.

“Splendid!” a familiar voice called out from across the room.

He had not heard the door open, the majestic figure of Lady Charlotte glided into the mirror’s reflection the sound of her petticoats rustling like autumn leaves under her navy taffeta gown.

“Such an adorable vision!” she cooed clasping her hands to her breast “I just wish I could get Felicity to wear something so sweet...so darling.”

“Aubrey.” Alice said in a slightly brusque tone of voice.

With the threat of further punishment still echoing in his head the boy knew exactly what was expected of him and taking both sides of his nightgown in his hands he curtsied.

“Thank you Lady Charlotte.”

“Your Governess tells me you are making progress and gaining knowledge of the feminine domain.” she said smiling at the ridiculously clad male figure she then turned to Alice and continued “he is familiar with all aspects of dressing and undressing?”

“Yes m’lady.” Alice replied “As he will be wearing female clothing for the immediate future I have instructed him such matters including the basic procedures  in how to button and unbutton a gown as well as lacing a corset. Obviously he requires much more time to become as proficient as a natural female or a lady’s maid but he has potential and with time I’m sure it will become second nature.”

“Very impressive Alice” Lady Charlotte said as Alice curtsied, glowing in the praise of her mistress. Lady Charlotte turned once more to Aubrey and slipped her arm under his “I really must hear more of how you are progressing, my dear. My maid is away for the evening and it would be a wonderful opportunity to put your new knowledge into practice. I’m sure you don’t mind undertaking her duties and helping me undress and prepare for bed.”  

Aubrey was lost for words and looked to his Governess for guidance. Alice merely smiled and said

“Make sure you lift the skirts of your nightgown, we don’t want you to trip and make a fool of yourself.”

With her arm now firmly linked to his Lady Charlotte gently guided him towards the door.

“Shall I wait here and put him to bed after you have finished with him m’lady.” Alice said as they reached the bedroom door.

“That won’t be necessary Alice.” Lady Charlotte said as she noisily gathered her bulky skirts “there are certain aspects of his education that I should like to take care of personally.......and in a more intimate setting.”

“I understand perfectly m’lady” his Governess answered

The boy noticed a knowing smile begin to form at the corners of Alice’s mouth and a look of barely suppressed amusement on Hilda’s face. As he contemplated what this meant he felt Lady Charlotte’s arm steer him out of the room.

“Now come along Aubrey my dear, you have a lot to learn and I am just the woman to teach you.”