A Very Victorian Education Chapter 10 with 2 illustrations

This chapter at almost 8500 words is more than twice as long as chapter 9 – hence the delay in posting. I hope you understand. I would have preferred to keep it to approx 4000 but as usual it took on a life of its own. Not a big fan of long chapters  so hopefully readers won’t find it too boring.  I think there may be only one more chapter left in this saga but I won’t be able to start it for a week or two so it may be longer than usual before I can post it.

However what I may do is something I have done previously, post a stand-alone piece with an accompanying illustration.

I know readers are sick of me saying this but thank you to all who were good enough to tick the ‘more box’. Apart from the comments section (thanks to those also) it is the only way I know if readers are enjoying Aubrey’s travails at the hands of his female tormentors. There is a lot of time and energy put into this and I really do appreciate people taking the time to acknowledge it. Without this support I really doubt if the blog would have continued as long as it has.

One last thing, I thought another illustration of Aubrey in the park would be a little boring and I don’t have enough time to do a second specifically pertaining to this chapter. I thought Lady Martinet from the previous chapter was an interesting character so I put her and Aubrey’s mother together. So nothing to do with this chapter.

Thanks again for your support and I hope you enjoy it.

Carrie

A Very Victorian Education Chapter 10

CarrieP

The music of the military band was very comforting as it penetrated his auditory canal and made its way into his brain. He liked marching tunes, they invoked a sense of manliness and vigour and reminded him of the camaraderie of the cadet corps at school. Marching in formation around the school in military uniform and the training on the rifle range was always enjoyable forging a wonderful esprit de corps among his schoolmates.  There was something very masculine about the oomph of the tubas and trombones, the brassy trumpets, clashing cymbals and the steady rat-a-tat-tat of the several drummers. He recognised the last tune as one of John Philip Sousa’s marches and was trying to recall the name when he felt a sharp slap on his cheek, quickly followed by another.

“Aubrey”

Was it Semper Fidelis or The Washington Post? he wondered.

Another slap.

“Aubrey”

A foul odour drifted into his nasal passages and hit his brain like a spike. He felt a little nauseous, he felt an unnatural compression on his torso and his breathing was a little laboured. It was as if his military uniform was a size or two too small for him, he remembered this was a prank often played on each other. He was obviously the victim this time.

His eyes flickered and opened, the flash of sunlight hit him, his head hurt and he closed them again before slowly opening them to adjust for the brightness. His friends would be laughing their heads off, it was always very amusing when someone passed out.

This is strange. He said to himself as his eyes began to focus. None of my friends appear to be here.

His focus sharpened as his brain began processing the scene around him and was further confused at the faces that gazed down on him, his senses now began to return and his hands felt a soft material as they made their way over his constricted torso.

“That’s strange.” he thought and looked down to investigate this unusual sensation. “No..Oh...no...no...this is a mistake.” he shrieked as his eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he gaped at the navy silk dress that enveloped his entire body, feverishly he pulled at it in a foolish attempt to  tear it from his body.

“Oh dear she’s still very disorientated.” one of the women said “stop dear or you will ruin your pretty dress.”

“Keep calm my dear, you’ve had a little turn and fainted.” another voice said as a pair of hands restrained his “You are a little confused, stay still you will feel much better in a moment.”

A small vial was placed under his nose, he immediately recognised the vile smell and jerked his head back to avoid it but a strong hand prevented it and the second wave invaded his nostrils.

“Ah yes, there really is no substitute for smelling salts.” another familiar voice said, “she should recover in a moment or two.”

A fog swirled around his brain and he remained t a little lightheaded as his eyes tried to focus on his surroundings. He noticed he was lying down on the park bench, the military band was still playing in the distance, reality was beginning to creep into his consciousness and he realised he was not imagining things. It was not a soldierly uniform he was wearing but a girl’s silk dress. He had returned to his very own feminine nightmare.

His blinking eyes slowly began to concentrate on the faces above him and one by one he recognised them, Sarah, Mrs Fitzgibbon, Mrs Carville. Now it began to come back to him, Mrs Fitzgibbon’s recollection of that dreadful incident several years ago when he was coerced into playing the role of a girl in one of his mother’s plays. He had, or at least up to now he thought he had successfully managed to erase this horrible episode from his memory but Mrs Fitzgibbon had dredged it up through her vivid reminiscence. It was ghastly ordeal, all those dreadful women circling him refusing to allow him to leave and that terrifying Lady Martinet, the very thought of her sent shivers down his spine. Under normal circumstances it would have been truly awful to have this recounted but now dressed as he was it became too much for him to bear and he fainted. He recognised Mrs Fitzgibbon from this episode and was fearful she would now surely recognise him. He looked at the three women who gazed down on him sympathetically.

“I think she is coming around.” another voice said from behind him and he felt his heart jump.

A figure in a dark morning suit with a top hat bent over him and two brown eyes set in an oval shaped face scanned him, a strong hand held his wrist as the other hand was pressed to his forehead. He was sure everyone could hear his heart beating.

“Her pulse is a little fast and she is a little warm but I do not think there is any cause for concern.” the newcomer said “perhaps it is just ....ahem... a lady’s usual problem at this time of the month.”

The experience of being forced out into the open in female clothing was a terrifying one for Aubrey, his absolute horror of exposure was his constant companion and meeting these two ghastly women was edging this closer to reality. However up to now they seemed to be somewhat baffled by his androgynous appearance and despite this, they- like the few women they encountered when he had first entered the park- appeared to take his dubious feminine appearance at face value. Aubrey knew a male would immediately recognise another male, like beasts in the wild it seemed an immutable law of nature and this was his worst nightmare. He would be ridiculed for the rest of his life. Unfortunately for him he wasn’t the only one to understand this. Earlier, to assert her authority and keep him under her control, Sarah had already threatened him with introducing him to some army officers who were close by listening to the military band. The thought of coming into contact with other males almost paralysed him with fear, it had the desired effect and his submissiveness was quickly re-established. Now this was becoming a reality and he felt a horrible panic well up inside particularly as this person despite this outrageous and quite ridiculous suggestion appeared to have medical training.

The figure in the top hat turned to the women and restated the prognosis,

“Yes, the usual monthly female issue. I would imagine that is all it is.  Perhaps she is too embarrassed to have mentioned it.”

Female issues!  Aubrey repeated and stared blankly at the faces looking down on him, he saw a snigger form on Sarah’s face but no look of obvious recognition of his maleness from this interloper who had now turned to engage with the ladies. Aubrey could barely believe his good fortune.

He hasn’t realised I’m male, so much for the medical profession. he said to himself while silently breathing a sigh of relief before a horrible thought struck him.  Am I really that feminine?

Sarah came forward and helped him into a sitting position as the company once more turned their attention to him.

“Is that right my dear? Mrs Carville asked her eyes examining him for tell tale signs “Your time of the month?”

Aubrey gave her a confused look.

“Madam wants to know if you are having your period.” Sarah bent down and whispered in his ear. “Best say yes or you will have a great deal of explaining to do.”

Four sets of eyes fell on him as he struggled to find the words. He felt Sarah fingers pinch him in the fleshy area under his armpit.

“Y…yes.”he mumbled and in an irony not lost on him he felt the blood surge into his face.

“Oh you young girls are so dramatic.” Mrs Fitzgibbon sighed.

“Oh don’t be so harsh on her.”  a voice said gently “perhaps you are forgetting she is still a young girl and there may be underlining problems. She looks much better now, a little walk would do her good.”

Aubrey looked up and saw the stranger in the morning suit hold out a hand and smiled sympathetically at him. He had no choice but to take it and Sarah assisted him in standing and again discreetly murmured into his ear,

 “It would be good manners to show your appreciation.”

He was under no illusions as to what she meant, he hesitated momentarily and yet again felt Sarah’s fingers dig into his soft flesh almost making him squeal.

“Thank you ...” his voice, bare audible wavered.

Another sharp reminder from Sarah indicated this was not enough.

“Thank you... sir” he mumbled and his cheeks reddened as he curtsied.

“Sir!” the figure in the morning suit laughed. “It appears my facade is much better than I thought.”

“Yes my dear, we too were fooled by this ...” Mrs Carville addressed Aubrey and raising her lorgnette to the newcomer continued in a tone of mild disdain “... person’s appearance. We too were under the impression this person was a gentleman.”

“But it seems this is not the case.” Mrs Fitzgibbon snorted derisively “this young lady is masquerading as a man. One of these new fangled suffragettes I believe.”

The figure in the morning suit smiled at both women and made a little adjustment to her waistcoat.

“I apologise if my appearance has caused you any discomfort.” the newcomer replied “I was on my way to an open air meeting of ladies interested in women’s suffrage when I noticed this young lady in distress. I am completing my medical studies in Oxford and felt I could be of some assistance.”

“Your assistance was most welcome young lady.” Mrs Fitzgibbon answered, her tone softening a little “However your choice of male apparel is most unbecoming a lady and although I do advocate and champion the emancipation of our sex from an oppressive patriarchy I do not think it necessary to parade in men’s clothing to achieve your goal.”

“It is to the advantage of the male sex that women and girls must wear cumbersome, bulky and heavy clothing to say nothing of the restrictive nature of our corsets.” the young woman replied “Such clothing prevents ease of movement and serves only to heighten our dependence on males. How could a female, corseted and dressed in silks and satins over several layers of petticoats be regarded as an equal?”

“We share your views on the attitudes of the male sex.”Mrs Carville answered “but we consider that such elaborate feminine clothing does have certain beneficial effects in behavioural terms and is the primary factor in contributing to the undoubted moral superiority of our sex over the degenerate male. In fact we are of the view that society would benefit greatly if males had sometimes to dress in similar fashions.”

“What a wonderful idea!” the newcomer squealed. 

Aubrey now fully recovered was once more becoming quite anxious, his eyes darting around the immediate area saw that  more people were entering the park and  he desperately    wanted to leave before something else happened.  

“But would it not be even better if we wore the trousers, surely this would reinforce our pre-eminence as the superior sex. Of course it could only happen in certain households where strong and assertive ladies were mistresses of their domain.” she replied and watched both ladies nod in agreement she then turned her attention to Aubrey and looked him directly in the eyes “And you my dear girl, would you not prefer to have the freedom of trousers rather than your cumbersome heavy dress and petticoats, restricting your every movement.”

Aubrey was stunned and stood frozen to the spot in front of her, he noticed she was about two inches taller than him and a little broader and now alerted to the fact she was female  he could make out small but noticeable mounds in her chest, something he had not previously perceived. Her determined face, with its large brown eyes and prominent cheek bones set in an oval face could be described as more handsome than pretty and it was easy to see how these features combined with the fashionable male suit projected a masculine presence. Suddenly he was overcome with a combination of resentment at the clothes he was forced wear and a strong jealousy of this woman dressed in the male clothing he should be wearing. He had never before encountered such an extraordinary figure and was trying to make sense of the situation when he suddenly realised she was still waiting for an answer.

“I...ah...”he mumbled as he eyed her clothes with envy.

“I think I sense you would perhaps welcome the opportunity to try male clothing for yourself.” she teased, a smile breaking out across her face.

Aubrey became flustered and could feel his face become quite red and responded by clutching the skirts of his gown to compose himself. It was such a feminine gesture and one not lost on his interrogator.

“I knew it.” the woman laughed triumphantly and Aubrey could see Sarah, standing behind the newcomer, suppress her own laughter.

“This young girl had quite enough of male clothing as a child.” Mrs Fitzgibbon interjected “it seems her mother wanted a boy and dressed the poor girl in boy’s clothing for several years. I believe she is extremely content in feminine clothing.”

Aubrey cringed at her words and felt a deep sense of humiliation that he was now seen as a compliant girl. What had begun as a short but perilous journey from Lady Charlotte’s home to Mrs Cockshott’s residence had reached yet another circle of Aubrey’s own personal hell.  Despite his worst fears he was both relieved and intensely ashamed that both older women- even though they had commented on certain male traits - had finally concluded that he was indeed a member of their own sex. However the arrival of this newcomer made Aubrey even more anxious and he wasn’t at all sure his feminine masquerade had convinced her. Furthermore he now realised her question about wanting to wear trousers hit a nerve and he felt his face had betrayed him. Now even more than ever he wanted to disappear from her presence as he was sure it would not take too much for her to expose him as a male in girl’s clothing.

“Perhaps you ladies would like to join me for the suffragette meeting.” the woman said as reluctantly she drew her eyes away from Aubrey. “I can assure you not all suffragettes dress as I do in fact the vast majority of our members are ladies as elegantly attired and as socially connected as yourselves. Mrs Bonneville- Smyth, Lady Clarice Douglas, Lady Charmine Hill and Her Grace the Duchess of Beaufort will be only a few of the many distinguished ladies attending. ”

Aubrey could see that both women were visibly impressed by the list of prominent society ladies.

“That does seem a delightful prospect.” Mrs Fitzgibbon said clearly excited about the prospect of joining such exalted company “perhaps we may have been a little hasty in our judgement, we have an appointment close by which will not detain us too long and we may join you afterwards.”

“I look forward to it, I’m sure the meeting would love to hear your very progressive views.” the young woman said raising her top hat as the older women took their leave excitedly engaged in conversation. She turned to Aubrey and Sarah

“And so we are finally alone.” the young woman said addressing both of them but her eyes fixed firmly on Aubrey. The encounter with Mrs Fitzgibbon and Mrs Carville Aubrey had been daunting but the way this woman looked at him made him even more nervous if that was possible. It was obvious that his appearance had piqued her interest and he could see her eyes scrutinizing every part of him, he clutched his skirts to keep his hands from shaking.

“Such a pretty little thing.” she said finally as she gently stroked his face with the back of her hand.

Aubrey felt a sudden sensation of vulnerability overwhelm him. He had often used the phrase ‘Such a pretty little thing’ on many occasions when alone with girls especially servant girls in houses he had been a guest in. He constantly used it to the housemaids in his own home- much to his mother’s annoyance. It asserted his dominance as a male over the female. A man could do this, it is the male privilege, after all males are the stronger sex and this is reflected in their manly fashions. On the other hand the voluminous and pretty gowns and petticoats of soft silks, satins, taffeta or velvet that women and girls were obliged to wear projected powerlessness and submissiveness. Wearing trousers conferred an innate superiority on its owner over the female sex, it was the natural order of things. Everyone accepted this.

Now enveloped in female clothing and confronted with such a confident figure dressed in fashionable male apparel Aubrey was immediately aware he was now on the receiving end of such treatment. The gown he wore ensured his submissiveness. The resentment he felt was instantaneously subdued by the knowledge that the merest flicker of male arrogance would surely lead to his exposure as a young man disguised as a girl and the abject humiliation that would follow. Fear of exposure was uppermost in his thoughts and he would do anything to ensure it would not happen. The weeks of being forcibly dressed as a girl under the strict feminine regimen of Lady Charlotte and Alice his Governess ensured he was aware how a young lady should behave particularly when in the presence of a lady of authority. Such was the apprehension these women had instilled in him he became a very accomplished pupil proficient in most aspects of the feminine realm. In fact such was his immersion in his new way of life- and very much to his disgust- on the rare occasions he was left alone he now found himself forgetting many of his male mannerisms and behaving in an almost completely feminine manner. Now, encountering yet another self-possessed and assertive woman the submissiveness implanted in him triggered a response that was now almost automatic. He curtsied.

“Yes very pretty.” she repeated as Aubrey blushed at her flattering remark.

“Thank you...”he answered meekly, unsure as to what form of address he should use“...sir.”

Aubrey could see that she seemed pleased at his choice.

“Yes, I do look the part.” she laughed as she gestured to her clothes. “When dressed like this people tend to call me ‘sir’ or Mister Robert but as we are practically friends you can call me Robert.”

“Robert?” Aubrey blurted.

“Well Roberta is my actual name.” she said “but Robert feels more appropriate when dressed in male clothing. You should try it some time, free yourself from your skirts. I’m sure you would like it and with your boyish looks and figure I think you could just about mange it without arousing too much suspicion.”

The very idea of a woman wearing male clothing under normal circumstances was bad enough but now he was forced to endure this spectacle of female emancipation while he himself was dressed as a girl. For Aubrey this was a total injustice, an unbearable humiliation howeve he felt his anger would betray him if he looked at her directly and so he dropped his eyes to the ground.

“And what should I call you?” she said seemingly taking this act as a sign of shyness.

“Aubrey.” he replied softly, stifling his resentment.

“Well young Aubrey why don’t you and your friend accompany me to the suffragette meeting.” Roberta said reaching out and touching his hand “and perhaps we could have tea afterwards.”

“I’m sorry Miss.” Sarah answered for him and linked her arm with Aubrey’s and began to move him away “we would love to join you but we are on an errand for my mistress and we are already late.”

“Oh dear that is such a great pity.”Roberta said the disappointment clearly evident on her face and her gaze fell on Aubrey and smiled “I really was hoping we could get to know each other better.”

Even in his heightened state of anxiety Aubrey recognised he –or to be more precise his female persona-   had never been paid so much attention by a girl  and despite wearing a corset and petticoats he felt a frisson of excitement run through him. He felt his cheeks redden once more and saw a smile form at the corner of Roberta’s expressive mouth. Sarah saw it too.

“Come along Aubrey.” she said brusquely and tugged his arm sharply.

“Perhaps I can accompany you...” Roberta began to say before a voice from behind her called her name.

Two fashionably dressed ladies arrived with a swish of skirts and ignoring Aubrey and Sarah immediately engaged Roberta in conversation. Sarah quickly seized the opportunity to remove themselves from the company and as he was being shepherded away Aubrey could see Roberta trying to extract herself from her new companions but to no avail.

“You are even more of a girl that I thought.” Sarah said gruffly, her annoyance confirmed by her furrowed brow and the quickness of her walk. Aubrey remained silent.

“Yes.” Sarah continued, the irritation in her voice was clear, “you are quite the little coquette. Looking at her with your big doe eyes and fluttering your eyelashes. Don’t think I didn’t notice, the only thing you didn’t do was raise your skirts and show her your ankles.”

“I... but...”Aubrey protested but Sarah tugged his arm sharply and continued her reprimand.

“After all I have done for you, helped you with your appearance and taught you how to behave as a girl to ensure you would not be found out. And this is how you repay me! I should have left those two ladies discover your secret, I wonder what your new admirer would say if she knew you were a boy and a pathetic, spineless one at that. What type of male readily agrees to be put into a corset and petticoats?”

Aubrey’ immediate reaction was to protest, she knew very well he was forced into girl’s clothes but it was obvious from Sarah’s mood that any attempt to object would only exacerbate his problems and besides the last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself. He bit his tongue and remained silent as she continued to harangue him, holding firmly by the hand like a naughty child she pulled him along the pathway his skirts swishing around his legs. Aubrey felt weak and powerless in her grip. As they made their way through the park Sarah, to his extreme embarrassment not to mention dread, would occasionally stop within earshot of some ladies and berate Aubrey for some imaginary faux pas. This invited stares and smiles from the women and resulted in Aubrey apologising profusely and pleading with her to forgive him. Only when he was on the verge of tears and it looked like one of the women was about to interfere she considered he was punished enough and continued with their journey.

By the time they passed through the park’s gates and onto the adjoining street Aubrey was suitably chastised and once again firmly under Sarah’s thumb. Several hundred yards along the street Sarah stopped in front of an imposing townhouse.

“Mrs Cockshott’s house.” she said gesturing to the front door and added with a snigger “or I should say your new mistress’s home.”

The ordeal he had gone through in the park had pushed the purpose of his visit to Mrs Cockshott’s to the back of his mind. However now standing outside her house he was confronted with the dreadful reality that Mrs Cockshott seeing him dressed as a girl in Lady Charlotte’s bedroom had presumed him to be her very good friend’s lady’s maid and had cajoled her into ‘borrowing’ him on a temporary basis until she engaged her own staff.  Reluctantly Lady Charlotte had agreed but to ensure he would not be unmasked she had Sarah accompany him to make certain he behaved in an appropriately feminine manner as a well trained servant girl.

Several weeks of being forcibly dressed as a girl had quickly eroded his masculinity and with it his self confidence, he was now only a shell of the young man he was on that fateful day he entered Lady Charlotte’s home. He really didn’t think his situation could get any worse but now he was about to experience the life of a domestic servant and as he stood at the steps to the grand house where he was now to enter as a servant girl. He felt a wave of subjugation overwhelm him.

Two months ago I was a vigorous young man about town as masculine as you can get, frequenting bars, music halls as well as some of London’s less salubrious establishments he dejectedly said to himself now, not only am I dressed as a girl but I am meant to be maidservant, a lady’s maid to this dreadful woman. How could Lady Charlotte allow this to happen if only....

“I wonder if your new mistress is as considerate as Lady Charlotte.” Sarah voice interrupted his thoughts “some mistresses can be quite demanding of their maids. Of course girls who have spent their formative years in domestic service are familiar with the rigours of life as a maidservant but you...”

She looked at Aubrey, the expression on her face a mixture of contempt and smugness, before continuing,

“... you as a male have no idea what it means to be a girl never mind any understanding of what it is to be a servant, constantly being deferential and servile and at your mistress’s beck and call every minute.”

She paused to allow him to absorb this before adding with a sardonic smile,

“However I’m sure you will find it a very rewarding experience.”

Aubrey felt his heart sink. Born into wealth and privilege he had led a cosseted life surrounded by servants who waited on him hand and foot. This was the natural order of things in the same way women were inferior to men, servants were subservient to their social superiors. To enforce this social hierarchy it was necessary and to distinguish servants from their employers and servants were required to wear a uniform. In his mother’s house he had often eavesdropped on maids conversations and knew that they resented having to wear a uniform and especially disliked wearing their apron and cap, saying it made them look and feel completely servile. At the time he recalled thinking this was the point, after all servants were supposed to be servile and their uniform should reflect their status. He felt a shiver run down his spine and could not bring himself to even contemplate the notion of life or even a few hours as a maidservant.

When will this nightmare end he thought to himself.

 “Time to get you inside.” Sarah said, bringing him back to reality.

Resigned to the fact there was no escape he put his foot on the first step.

“And where do you think you are going?” Sarah said as he looked at her blankly.

“The front door is not for the likes of us.” she continued and gestured to the steps leading to the basement “You are a maid now and maids never use the front door. It’s the servants’ entrance for you, my girl.”

Sarah saw the look of wretchedness on the boy’s face and couldn’t help smiling. It was the same look he had every morning when she entered his bedroom, a look that conveyed his devastation at yet another day of utter mortification and ignominy.

Well today he is getting another helping of humble pie or maybe that should be humiliation pie she chuckled to herself as she watched him lift his skirts and descend the grey stone steps to the servants’ door. Even though she had observed a feminine sensibility envelop him over the previous weeks she still marvelled at how certain womanly traits had become ingrained in him in such a short time period.

Perhaps he doesn’t have the innate gracefulness or the natural elegant movement of a female and he is a little ungainly she thought as she followed him but he does seem to have certain feminine qualities just below the surface. I can’t quite put my finger on it, his individual features are definitely more male than female which is why those ladies were unsure of his true sex but somehow they combine and blend to project a form of an odd, unorthodox femininity. It is as if his female clothing is almost influencing his facial features, replacing the arrogant self- confidence of the male with a more passive, subdued feminine expression. Wearing female attire has certainly cured him of his arrogance so perhaps the softening, almost feminising of his facial expression is just an extension of this. Whatever the reason it is having a most beneficial effect on him.

Sarah knocked on the door and after a few moments a girl a little younger than Aubrey and dressed in a drab grey dress with a mob cap and grubby and stained  apron opened it.

“Mrs Cockshott is expecting us.” Sarah informed the girl.

“Who is it girl?” a gruff voice bellowed from within and the girl beckoned  Sarah to enter.

Standing at the large kitchen table surrounded by ceramic dishes and copper pots was a large red faced woman in a mob cap and a light blue dress her apron flecked with assorted bits of dough and cake mixture.

“You must be the new maid.” the cook barked at Sarah.

“No.”Sarah answered in an assured voice refusing to be intimidated and gestured to Aubrey “this is the new maid. I just accompanied her here.”

Aubrey visibly winced at his new title.

“The mistress is in the blue drawing room.” the cook growled and shouted at the kitchen maid “show them the way and don’t be seen by the mistress. Upstairs is not for the likes of you.”

Aubrey could see the intimidation on the face of the kitchen maid as the girl scurried towards the door he and Sarah followed her. The cook looked Aubrey up and down as he passed her.

“Madam always did have an eye for the pretty ones.” she chortled as she gave him a curious look.

Aubrey shivered as he quickly walked past her.

At the top of the back stairs the kitchen maid opened the door and pointed at another door across the spacious vestibule.

 As Sarah led the way across the polished black and white tiled floor Aubrey thought to himself how well he knew all the houses in this neighbourhood and how he had visited them many times for various social occasions, birthday parties, music recitals and those awful plays that the Ladies Drama Society insisted on performing. But he had never entered by the servants entrance nor had he been dressed as a girl...well except that one time or maybe the other time when....

“Here we are.”Sarah said cutting off his recollections of times past and began fussing with his hair and straightening his dress, she smiled sardonically “we want to make sure you create a good impression on your new mistress.”

“But she’ll know I’m not....”he whispered frantically, “female.”

“Of course she will. Just remember all that Miss Alice, Lady Charlotte and I have taught you.”Sarah answered quietly “remain calm and remember you’re a girl now. A servant girl.”

Aubrey looked at her and opened his mouth to give a half-hearted protest but she immediately cut him off,

“Say it!” Sarah snapped in a hushed tone “It’s for your own good.”

Aubrey hesitated, he desperately needed to keep a grip on his masculinity. Now she wanted him to admit to being a girl, how could he agree to this and still retain a claim on his maleness?

Sarah persisted, playing on his worst fears.

“If you are going to have any chance of convincing Mrs Cockshott and avoiding public exposure and humiliation you really need to believe it yourself. Do you really want your little secret to be discovered? To be exposed to public ridicule?”

He had no answer.

“I thought so. You’re only chance is to accept yourself as a girl. Once you consider yourself female it will be so much easier for you.”

Emphasising her point she fluffed out his skirts and adjusted his bodice, his eyes could not met hers.

“We don’t have much time.” she whispered urgently as she raised her hand to knock on the door “I can help you but you need to help yourself. Are you a boy or a girl??”

His brain was in turmoil, his heart racing and his knees weak from the events in the park not to mention the prospect of meeting Mrs Cockshott once more.

“A girl.” he said quietly, cringing at the words leaving his mouth.

Sarah looked at him with eyebrows arched and he knew she wanted more.

“A servant girl.” he added softly.

“That wasn’t so bad now was it?” she said and knocked on the door “ Mrs Cockshott is expecting a servant girl so remember to act and think like a maid at all times and you will have no problems.”

A voice called from with within and they entered the large drawing room.

Mrs Cockshott was standing at the mantelpiece in a pale green taffeta gown, her overskirt of figured silk elaborately draped at the back, her underskirt  of olive taffeta was ruched, trained and trimmed with pleated flounces. She looked regal and quite intimidating as she raised her eyes from a book to inspect the figures standing at the door.

“Ah! my new maid.” she said as her eyes fixed on Aubrey, ignoring Sarah. “well come closer girl.”

A feeling of panic grew inside him and his feet were rooted to the floor, Sarah had to take his hand and lead him to the imposing female figure.

“Such a timid little creature.” she said as Sarah positioned him in front of her “A little closer,   I won’t bite you. What is your name again?”

“Aubrey.” he answered, lowering his eyes

“Madam.” Mrs Cockshott said quietly but very firmly.

The restrained but authoritative tone in her voice was one he had heard his mother and many ladies of similar social standing use to their maids, it was employed to establish boundaries between mistress and maid. It never failed to have effect and immediately reminded him of his new position as her servant. He was quite close to her now and she showed no signs of suspecting his true sex, Sarah’s words suddenly materialised in his brain ‘act and think like a maid’.

“Yes Madam.” he said meekly “I’m sorry Madam.”

“Mmm, I see you really are lacking in the basic formalities of domestic service.” she said as she walked the short distance to the blue damask couch and gracefully arranged her bustle before lowering herself onto the seat.

Aubrey looked at her blankly, Sarah was behind him and could not help.

“I see what Lady Charlotte meant when she said you were untrained.” she sighed a note of mild exasperation in her voice before explaining as if to a five year old as her eyes examined his face“ I can see why she took an interest in you, an  ingénue perhaps, slightly gauche and such curious features for a girl.”

She stood back and continued, her voice now a little more assertive,

“Maids are required to curtsy to their mistresses. It makes me wonder where exactly did Lady Charlotte find you.”

Aubrey cursed himself for such basic mistake, the last thing he wanted was to answer awkward questions. He felt a surge of panic, Sarah’s words returned once more.

What would a girl new to domestic service say to her new mistress?

Any humiliation he felt at taking on the persona of a maid was quickly overcome by the fear of further probing by Mrs Cockshott.

“I’m sorry Madam” he blurted and taking his skirts in his hands dropped a respectful curtsy   “I’m a little nervous, apart from Lady Charlotte I’m not used to meeting ladies of  high social standing.”

His curtsy and explanation seemed to mollify Mrs Cockshott and her face softened.

“Quite understandable I suppose. As I told your mistress I will need a maid on a temporary basis until I employ my own servants. You will attend me as a lady’s maid and there will be other household duties. You can begin by unpacking the rest of my luggage.”

Having concluded the interview Mrs Cockshott walked towards the door and waited for Sarah to open it acknowledging her with a nod of her head she swept past her into the hall and crossed the expansive hall to the wide staircase. As he hurried after her he felt a sense of relief that he had survived his initial audience with this overwhelming woman and realised that apart from a reference to his unusual features she had not appeared to suspect anything dubious about her new maid.

Sarah just behind him smiled as she watched him expertly and without hesitation gather his skirts in both hands and lift them just above his ankles as he followed Mrs Cockshott up the stairs.

The physical aspect of wearing ladies clothes is becoming natural to him Sarah said to herself I wonder how long it will take for his psychological state to assimilate his feminine side.

Mrs Cockshott stopped outside her bedroom door and nodded at Aubrey who instinctively knew he was required to open it. The room itself was beautifully decorated dominated by the large pale green satin covered bed with comfortable chairs positioned around the room the gentle scent of freshly cut flowers wafted throughout the room. Aubrey followed her through another door to her dressing room which was almost as large and had a vast closet where he noticed gowns hung on rails with several travel trunks stacked along one wall.

“As you can see my luggage has just arrived.” Mrs Cockshott said as she retrieved a set of keys from the Queen Anne dressing table and proceeded to the line of trunks and opening one of them took out a gown of grey silk faille and held it up to her. “Quite beautiful don’t you think?”

“Yes Madam.” Aubrey answered, not forgetting to bob a curtsy.

“You will unpack these trunks and hang the various gowns in their designated areas.” she instructed indicating the various sections of the closet. “Morning gowns here, walking dresses there, afternoon gowns in this section and so on. Do you understand?”

“Yes Madam.” he replied.

“And ensure you treat them carefully, I do not want to see any stains, tears or damage of any sort.” she instructed.

“Yes Madam.” he repeated.

“Excuse me Madam, may I have a word?” Sarah’s voice called from the doorway, she curtsied as Mrs Cockshott passed her and stopped to look back at Aubrey who stood there with a confused look on his face.

“Well, get on with it girl.” she said brusquely handing him the keys and turned to return to the bedroom with Sarah.

Left alone Aubrey felt a sigh of relief and decided he had better begin his task just in case Mrs Cockshott returned to reprimand him. As he opened the first trunk and took out a delicate blue green silk velvet gown with deep pleats and a large bustle he caught sight of himself in the dressing room mirror. A sudden feeling of despair engulfed him as he saw a reflection not of a manly, red blooded male but a tightly corseted feminine figure in a voluminous navy silk gown. Despite being confined to such clothing for months the one thing he disliked intensely was seeing his reflection, something he was forced to do several times daily in Lady Charlotte’s home to remind him of his new role. This always reinforced his powerlessness at the hands of the women who now controlled him. He sighed and mentally added Mrs Cockshott to this seemingly ever growing list.

“A change of plan I’m afraid.” Mrs Cockshott’s voice rang out from the doorway of the dressing room “Come here girl.”

 Aubrey carefully laid down the dress he was holding and moved into the bedroom where he noticed Sarah busying herself at the bed.

“It appears my daughter has arrived home unexpectedly with several of her friends.” Mrs Cockshott addressed Aubrey “Cook is preparing refreshments.”

Aubrey looked at her blankly, she returned his look with one of exasperation and little patience.

“Who do you think will serve tea?” she sighed in a slightly irritated voice and did not expect or wait for an answer before continuing “obviously you cannot serve tea dressed like that. I have had your friend here retrieve a suitable parlourmaid’s uniform from one of the maid’s rooms. We have little time, get undressed and into your new uniform.”

“I..ah…” he stammered  but Sarah was already behind him unbuttoning his dress.

“Not the time to argue.” she whispered sharply into his ear.

“But...” he continued to object.

“Remember what I told you, think like a maid, act like a maid.”Sarah quietly but firmly reprimanded him as she continued to undo the buttons and before he could mount any further protest she had pulled his arms from the dress and was tugging it over his hips.

“What pretty petticoats and corset.” Mrs Cockshott said as she held the material in her hand “a present from your mistress no doubt.”

Aubrey nodded and was grateful for the full chemise under his corset which covered his false bosom. Sarah wasted little time and took the dark grey, almost black dress from the bed placed it over his head and quickly buttoned the back, she then produced a full white pinafore apron and in a matter of moments she was trying a large bow at his back. Before he knew it she had placed a white frilled cap on his head and held it in place with pins.

“Excellent. Your cap covers that short hair of yours and thankfully makes you look a little more feminine.” Mrs Cockshott trilled her approval and walked around him making minor adjustments to the dress and apron “I believe a servant’s appearance reflects on her mistress, a maid who is dressed in a drab or dowdy uniform may indicate a similar dull fashion sense in her mistress. However an elegant and stylish mistress will invariably dress her maids in the most charming uniforms.”

Aubrey’s face reflected his disenchantment with his new choice of clothing. It did not go unnoticed by Mrs Cockshott.

“Yes, I know you are being trained as a lady’s maid and did not expect to have to perform a parlourmaid’s duties but I’m sure your mistress would not object.” she said “In fact, knowing Lady Charlotte as well as I do she would be annoyed if you did not carry out my wishes with enthusiasm and a smile on your face.”

He knew she was correct and quickly decided it was best to avoid any disagreement.

Sarah’s advice rang in his ears once more.

Behave like a servant.

“Yes Madam, of course Madam.” he answered meekly and smiled apologetically and curtsied.

“Much better.” Mrs Cockshott said, responding to his subservient attitude in a softer voice “I’m sure you understand I really cannot have a maid serve my guests without being properly uniformed in a cap and apron.”

“Yes Madam.” he replied with another curtsy.

Mrs Cockshott then turned her attention to Sarah.

“Tell my daughter I will join her and her guests shortly for tea but I need to change before I do so.” 

Once alone she made for her dressing room and selected a midnight blue silk gown with black Brussels lace sleeves, the gold satin pleats at the hem also covered in black lace she handed it to Aubrey and returned to the bedroom.

“Well don’t just stand there girl.” she said “Undress me.”

Since his entrapment at Lady Charlotte’s home Aubrey had been dressed and undressed by maids every day and knew exactly what was required. He laid the gown carefully on the bed and moved quickly to unbutton her dress, he surprised himself at how efficiently he performed the task and was soon on his knees gently tugging the heavy fabric down her torso and over her petticoats. She waited for Mrs Cockshott to step from the crumpled gown before laying it neatly on the bed.

“Lady Charlotte seems to have trained you well.” she said as he opened the gown and laid it out on the floor allowing her to step into it and he pulled it up over her petticoats before buttoning it at the neck.

She walked to the full length mirror and adjusted her sleeves and skirt.

“Yes, this will do.” she said admiring herself in the mirror but from the corner of her eye she observed him closely.

“I think I could feminise you reasonably quickly.” she said almost absentmindedly as she inspected her bustle.

Aubrey felt his heart skip a beat.

Oh no...no...she has finally seen through me.  he screamed inside, he could sense the blood drain from his face and such was his fright he was unsure if he had said this out loud.

“You may think your demeanour is genuinely feminine but I think we both know this is not the case.” she continued, in the mirror her eyes met his.

It took all his strength to keep his legs from buckling.

“I think even you will admit you are somewhat gauche, ungainly.” Mrs Cockshott continued “and your boyish looks while no doubt attractive, can at times can create a most unwelcome masculine aspect to your visage. You could easily be taken for a real boy. In fact I could not make up my mind as to your sex when I first saw you.”

He held on to the chair next to him to steady himself.

“I... It’s not...”he babbled.

“Of course it’s not your fault.” she said ignoring incoherent his gibbering and turning from the mirror continued “You have probably associated with males far too much, imitating their behaviour and picking up their dreadful mannerisms.”

She smiled benevolently and caught both his hands in hers.

“But do not worry.” she said enthusiastically as she gripped his hands even tighter “I can help you embrace your true feminine self, rid yourself of those ghastly male inclinations. You do want this, don’t you?”

Aubrey, immediately realising he had just escaped exposure instinctively knew how he should respond.

“Oh yes Madam.” he said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

“Wonderful.” Mrs Cockshott replied and taken in by his lie a broad smile crossed her face. “We can commence your training later but first I have to meet my daughter and her friends. Now run along and begin serving them tea, I will be there shortly.”

Aubrey’s heart was still racing as he descended the stairs and in his anxious state he forgot to lift his skirts and almost tripped.

Why do women have to wear such voluminous clothing? he said to himself in a bitter voice.

He concluded that this was a timely reminder of Mrs Cockshott’s appraisal of his lack of a truly feminine gracefulness, he cursed himself for not being more careful in disguising his masculine traits.  

“It’s about time.” Sarah greeted him brusquely as he reached the bottom of the stairs and pointed to the ornate tea trolley laden with a sliver tea service and delicate pale blue Wedgewood china.

Sarah was about to berate him when Mrs Cockshott came into view descending the stairs in the most graceful fashion like all ladies of good breeding. Aubrey could not help compare her elegance with his own clumsy attempt.

“Time for tea I think.” she said, Sarah opened the door and Mrs Cockshott swept into the drawing room followed by her new parlourmaid.

Aubrey heard the door close behind him, the room was filled with the smell of expensive perfume and chatter of perhaps a dozen female voices. He became extremely nervous as he followed Mrs Cockshott through the throng of silk, taffeta, velvet and satin and afraid to raise his eyes from her trailing gown.

“Leave the tea here and go stand by the window until I summon you.” she instructed.

He had witnessed such gatherings since he was a child and knew exactly what was required of a parlourmaid.

“Yes Madam.” he answered and curtsied and immediately saw Mrs Cockshott’s smile of approval.

After making his way to the window he plucked up the courage to raise his eyes and scan the room. Several ladies were seated on comfortable couches and large armchairs while others congregated in small groups around the room. Although no one seemed to even notice him his anxiety increased even further as he saw mingled in these clusters of ladies were a number of smartly dressed male figures. He had almost calmed himself when Mrs Cockshott who was seated on a couch beckoned him to approach. Now extremely mindful of the need to act in a more girlish manner, he minced in a most feminine gait across the room and careful to avoid the eye contact of the males.   

“We require more tea Aubrey.” she said as he stood in front of her and before he had time to answer a voice came from behind him.

“Aubrey, did I hear you call her Aubrey.” the voice said and its owner suddenly appeared from behind him.

“What a wonderful surprise.” the voice trilled.

Aubrey felt his stomach tighten.

“Mister Robert.” he said and curtsied.

“You know my daughter?” Mrs Cockshott said.

“Daughter?” Aubrey blurted.

“Yes. You silly girl. My daughter.” Mrs Cockshott said eyeing her daughter’s male garb with some distaste.

Mrs Cockshott looked mildly confused.

Roberta looked extremely pleased with herself.

Aubrey looked deathly pale.

 “You won’t be able to run away as easily this time.” Roberta said.

AVVE Chapter 9 plus 2 illustrations

Below is  AAVE Chapter 9. Losing the original really set me back and I struggled to rewrite it so completing it the way I would have wished would have taken far too long and as I said in my last post I’m under pressure for time so I’ve tried to finish it as best I can. 

Not happy about that but nothing I can do.

At the moment I’m unsure as to when I can post the next chapter, it will be at least a month I think.

Hopefully you will enjoy this, I reread it very quickly so if there are any typos/grammatical errors I’ve not corrected -apologies in advance.

Thanks again for all your support I really appreciate it.

Carrie.

A Very Victorian Education

Chapter 9

CarrieP

“The past is never where you think you left it.” 
 Katherine Ann Porter

The park always looked wonderful in the spring and today was no exception, with no wind and from a cloudless sky the sun was trying its best to bring its warmth to the world, daffodils were showing their yellow heads and there was the barest hint of an early cheery blossom. Thrushes, warblers and doves were competing in their own song contest, in the distance there was the distinct sound of a brass band playing some military tune. The two smartly but not overly fashionable feminine figures walking side by side blended into one of  Belgravia’s more popular parks on this bright vernal morning. The only thing that distinguished them from the other people promenading in the park was their extreme physical proximity, they were so close that their skirts appeared to merge into one large one they appeared to be joined at the hip.

“Just smell that air, doesn’t it make you great to feel alive?” the girl in the black dress said in an enthusiastic voice as she tugged her companion closer.

Her escort, eyes fixed on the ground and desperately trying to calm the panic building up inside, remained silent.

“Oh come now,” the girl urged “you have been stuck in her ladyship’s house for weeks now. Surely you must be delighted to leave, that’s what you’ve been dreaming about for all this time, isn’t it?”

Aubrey, his satin corset constraining his waist and his three petticoats gently swishing under the skirt of his tightly fitted blue linen dress was beside himself with fear.  Weeks of wearing nothing but ladies clothing had robbed him of his masculine confidence and vigour and in a strange way while inside Lady Charlotte de Winter’s home  he had almost become used to the daily humiliations that were visited upon him initially by Lady Charlotte and then by Alice who her ladyship had appointed  as his Governess. However now he was outside the front door of that place of mortification-  he was terrified. Every servant in the house was aware of his true sex and he had become used to their jibes but here in this park his secret was there for the public to discover. Here in this park, so close to his own home, some of his friends and neighbours were bound to be present. He would have no protection and if he was detected as a male in a dress it would mean public humiliation on a truly large scale. It would not take much to expose him, a return to any one off several male characteristics could prove catastrophic, a longer stride perhaps or holding his arms in a manly fashion or maybe a peculiarly male glance. It could be any number of male attributes that would surely betray and subject him to ridicule.

 He was shaking under his feminine finery and now he found himself trying to remember Alice’s instructions on deportment. Under her mistress’s instruction it was his Governess’s task to purge him of the male traits of pride and arrogance and instil in him a feminine sensibility and demeanour. Subliminally he had begun to absorb these new feminine characteristics and although he did not present himself as a model of female gracefulness he did not exhibit overtly male traits either. He appeared to be a peculiar hybrid, a work in progress and he was acutely aware of it. He now had to act and behave in a most feminine fashion if he was not to be exposed but was unsure if he could maintain  such a performance for any length of time. Hence his extreme anxiety.

Within his new home he may have been humiliated on a daily basis and although he felt  this was an outrageous abomination for any young man to have to endure he somehow learned to live with the shame particularly as he found that rebelling would only lead to further degradation. He knew his ordeal would only last until his mother returned and he strongly believed that his mother’s friendship with Lady Charlotte would ensure that his secret would not escape beyond the walls of her house, her maidservants may have enjoyed his many humiliations but they would respect their mistress’s views on the matter. However exposure to the public in this park would mean ridicule for life, his future would be ruined. It was a terrifying prospect for a young man but now it was a distinct possibility and the only thing that stood between him and complete ignominy and lifelong mortification was this servant girl.

The bright morning sunshine had encouraged people into the park and as they moved through the wide pathways park Aubrey became more nervous as people began appearing and passing them. Sarah stopped at bench and gestured him to sit, his training under Alice automatically rose to the surface as he gracefully held his skirts and lowered himself onto the bench and the arranged them to cover the hems of his petticoats. Sarah continued to badger him.

 “Admit it!”the girl exclaimed, more than a hint of impatience in her voice to hear him confess his inner most desire to flee Lady Charlotte’s home. “You desperately wanted to flee from the house.”

She stopped and gazed at him, her eyes burning into his but he could not meet her stare and he glanced downwards. She tugged him sharply, in part to get his admission in part to assert her new found, if temporary, authority over him. He surrendered.

“Yes I dreamed of leaving.” he conceded his eyes still glued to the ground.

Sarah smiled with satisfaction, she placed her hand under his chin and lifted his head and looked directly into his eyes.

“Yes of course you did.” she said, a note of insincerity in her voice as she patted him gently on the knee and lifted his skirts before letting them fall again “but as you can see it hasn’t changed anything. Plus ça change, plus c’est la meme chose. It has merely catapulted you into the public arena.  A boy dressed in female clothing. I can only imagine how this must make you feel but it really is your own fault.”

“What!”he snapped.

“Don’t take that tone with me young man.” Sarah rebuked him forcefully and pointing to an area in the middle distance added menacingly “unless of course you would like me to attract those nice looking officers from the Household Cavalry over there.

“No.. No.. Sarah please I’m sorry.” he pleaded his voice quavering.

“Miss.” she said, he looked at her blankly but her eyes told him what was required, “I would like you to address me as Miss when we are alone.”

He hesitated for a moment and he saw her about to raise her hand in the direction of the smartly dressed group of officers. He grabbed her arm tightly his panic clearly obvious.

“No.. please... Miss.” he begged, conceding that this servant girl was now his superior and confirming her authority over him.

Sarah smiled triumphantly seeing such an arrogant young man humiliated and forcibly dressed as a girl over the last several weeks was intoxicating, dressed in the finest silks and satins he was only a mere shadow of the male that strutted through her mistress’s  door.  Having him under her control was exhilarating she felt her pulse quicken and a familiar warm feeling spread through her nether regions. She squeezed her thighs together and let out a barely audible moan before composing herself.

“You see,” she explained sweetly as she fussed with an imaginary fold in the fabric of his skirt “if you had chosen a nice pretty dress in a bright colour instead of the plain navy one you are wearing now Mrs Cockshott would not have mistaken you for a maid and you would still be safely under Lady Charlotte’s roof dressed like a lady and waited on hand and foot by us. Now, temporarily at least, you are one of us. A servant girl.”

She was right but how was he to know Mrs Cockshott would have appeared from nowhere.

“I hope this has taught you a valuable lesson young man.” she declared in a condescending voice and fixing him with her piercing eyes waited for the appropriate response.

“Yes Miss.” he duly obliged cringing at the sound of his answer leaving his mouth but he was in no position to argue with her, not with so many people about.  

Her face took on the smug look that such superiority grants but it was short lived.

“You girls!” a booming voice came from their left.

They were so engrossed in their affairs they had not seen the two fashionably dressed middle aged matrons approach them until they stood in front of their bench. Sarah jumped up quickly followed by Aubrey.

“Please remove yourselves.” the larger of the two women ordered in a tone of voice that brooked no dissent or argument. “I always sit on this bench at this time of the day.”

Being a well trained servant girl Sarah instinctively understood the social convention when encountering ladies of the highest rank and these ladies were clearly women of status she grabbed a clearly terrified Aubrey and jumped up immediately and curtsied. Aubrey, his mind saturated with his Governess’s instructions regarding meeting women older than himself, also automatically curtsied. From the corner of his eye he could see from Sarah’s expression that she too was shaken by this intrusion and this only intensified his fear.

“We’re so sorry Madam.” Sarah said “we don’t usually use the park at this time.”

Aubrey took a step backward and positioned himself between behind Sarah and the women, both ladies ran their eyes over the two young figures in front of them.

“Yes it is an unusual time to see two young women in the park.” the lady wearing a grey silk dress with gold pleating at the hem was the first to speak and with the full authority of her class felt entitled to enquire “and what brings you here at this hour? Have you nothing better to do?”

“We were making our way to Mrs Cockshott’s residence at the other side of the park Madam.” Sarah answered.

“Ah, so Leonora has finally returned.” her companion said “and you are..?”

“I am Lady Charlotte de Winter’s housemaid Madam.” Sarah replied and bobbed a curtsy.

“Yes I thought I recognised you from my last visit, if I remember correctly you assisted me after dinner with my evening gown. An efficient girl but then Charlotte always trained her maids to a high standard. Tell her Mrs Phillipa Fitzgibbon and Mrs Octavia Carville sends their regards and will call on her shortly.”

“And who is this creature?”  Mrs Carville raised her lorgnette to her eyes and inspected Aubrey “Come here girl, I won’t bite you.”

Aubrey emitted a low whimper and felt his legs weaken, Sarah instantly saw that both women were intrigued by her companion and while they were aware that she was a servant girl it was obvious from their expressions that they could not make the same assumption regarding Aubrey. She could see that they were slightly perplexed at the figure in front of them, Aubrey’s androgynous features introduced an element of bafflement and combined with his plain but stylish dress they were clearly puzzled at what to make of “it” which further generated a sense of uncertainty regarding his character or social status. She recalled even when he first strutted arrogantly into her mistress’s house dressed in his own clothes, all the servants could see that despite this arrogant male posturing he did not possess the classic rugged male characteristics of other young men of his age and class. However, what did come as a surprise was the way in which his features seemed to soften once her mistress had put him in female clothing. The overall effect was one of ambiguity which intrigued anyone who came into contact with him. It was a most perplexing experience and Sarah now saw his appearance was having a similar effect on these society ladies. Sarah quickly decided that she had to distract the women before they began to suspect something was amiss with the object of their curiosity.  As these thoughts ran through her mind she noticed the boy was beginning to panic even more than usual. She turned to him discreetly nodded and mouthed the word ‘calm’ before turning back to the ladies and decided to be proactive and volunteer the information while being economic with the facts.

“As Mrs Cockshott has only returned recently from her travels she requires assistance with reorganising her household.” Sarah fibbed before either of the ladies could begin questioning Aubrey “and as my mistress was unable to call on her today she felt we may be of some benefit to her.”

She thought this seemed to satisfy them and she gently pushed Aubrey away in an attempt to leave their company but the ladies were not quite finished.

“Just a moment my dear.” Mrs Burke Carville said stopping their exit. “we won’t detain you too long, it’s not often we see such an unconventional set of features on a girl.”

Mrs Fitzgibbon joined her companion in her examination of the boy. Aubrey became almost overcome with fear, his eyes dilated and his mouth opened enough to give him the appearance of a frightened kitten only Sarah’s steadying hand on his upper arm kept him from falling

“Quite an unusual visage, Octavia.” she said to her friend as if she was commenting on a rare animal in a zoo “for a moment I thought it was a boy.”

Aubrey could hear his heart pounding in his chest as both women giggled at the idea.

“A boy is a dress!” her companion guffawed as she inspected Aubrey a little closer “Now that would be a sight to see. Although I have never seen such a practice I have heard that some women impose such a feminine regime on their recalcitrant sons. Apparently it has a most beneficial effect on them.”

“Do you mean to tell me that some mothers actually put their sons in petticoats and dresses to improve their moral character?” Mrs Fitzgibbon asked incredulously.

“Corsets, petticoats, chemises, every item of female clothing.” Mrs Carville answered and both women engaged in a frenzied exchange.

Their conversation meant Aubrey was temporarily no longer the focus of their attention and discreetly moved a few steps backwards and although he gained a slight respite from this break in their interrogation he was nonetheless cringing inside as Mrs Carville described his very own situation. From his peripheral vision he could see a smile form at the corner of Sarah’s mouth.  

“My dear, Phillipa.” Mrs Carville continued “as we only know too well our own sex possess certain attributes that, if not controlled or restricted,  can form a weak nature and feeble mind which will undoubtedly lead down a path of moral turpitude and degeneracy. Ladies clothing and corsetry is designed to ensure we retain our sense of feminine decorum at all times. Lack of restrictive clothing is the reason the male of the species is so wild, reckless and irresponsible.”

Mrs Fitzgibbon nodded enthusiastically in agreement as Mrs Carville resumed her lecture.

“Could you imagine a girl, at...”and she gestured towards Aubrey “this young person’s age or younger without the restriction of corsets and layers of petticoats. She would have all the freedom to do anything she wished, run about unfettered, get into all sorts of mischief- just like a boy.  It would be mayhem, a recipe for disaster. It is my firm belief that the restrictive nature as well as the many layers of feminine clothing is what saves the female sex from debasing and corrupting itself, our corsets keep us firmly in control of our desires allowing us to channel this energy into elegance and grace. Our heavy petticoats and voluminous gowns ensure that even if we wanted to we could not partake in any undesirable or morally questionable activity.”

“Unlike males.” Mrs Fitzgibbon retorted with a snort of derision “Vile creatures, it has been my experience that, as a sex, they are only motivated by their base desires and show absolutely no restraint whatsoever. They would find it extremely difficult to engage in their degenerate behaviour while dressed in layers of satin and taffeta.”

“Exactly my dear Phillipa.” Mrs Carville trumpeted “It would have a most beneficial effect on them. After all are we not the epitome of elegance, grace and decorum?”

With a genteel motion of her head, Mrs Fitzgibbon agreed with her friend, both women then returned her attention once more to Aubrey.

“Come here girl!” Mrs Carville ordered and Aubrey his eyes lowered was once more forced back in front of his interrogators.

“Your name girl?” Mrs Fitzgibbon asked brusquely and Aubrey’s heart rate increased once again.

“Aubrey, Madam.” he whispered and managed a passable curtsy.

“Did she say Aubrey?” Mrs Carville asked in a perplexed tone.

“I believe she did Octavia.”  Mrs Fitzgibbon remarked “no wonder the poor thing is confused. I consider the name Aubrey a boy’s name and always thought that giving children names that lacked a clear gender distinction would engender a sense of bewilderment and lack of certainty.”

“I could not agree more Phillipa, very confusing for all concerned.” Mrs Carville concurred “I believe this usually happens when the mother wants a child of the opposite sex.”

Both women fixed their gaze on the boy and he could see that their facial expressions softened and were quite sympathetic as they drew closer, so close their skirts touched his and he felt the weight of their heavy silk and taffeta gowns brush against him, their perfume, violet and orange blossom drifting up his nasal passages. He felt Sarah’s hand grip on his arm strengthen preventing him from staggering.

“Your mother probably wanted a boy, dear child.” Mrs Fitzgibbon said sympathetically as she took her hand in his. Aubrey, now enveloped on all sides by femininity, could only lower his eyes to the ground as she continued in a gentle voice “Doubtless she dressed you as a boy and may even have encouraged you to act in a masculine way.”

Aubrey could not lift his eyes from the ground, both women took this as confirmation of their theory.

“Oh you poor girl!” Mrs Fitzgibbon continued as she gently placed her fingers under his chin and lifted his head “it must have been horrible being forced to wear those ghastly male trousers I hope it did not go on for too long?”

Looking at him directly in the eyes Aubrey was compelled to answer her question.

“No, not too long.” he could only whisper and immediately felt Sarah’s grip tighten a fraction.

“You probably think because of your ...ahem...unusual features you are not as pretty as the other girls. Is that it?” Mrs Fitzgibbon said in a comforting tone as she squeezed his hand gently.

The proximity to these women and their continual interrogation had Aubrey in a state of panic.

Not as pretty as the other girls. Aubrey repeated to himself not knowing whether to be relieved or disgusted. Not as pretty as the other girls what do I say to that? Surely, they must see I’m male.

He felt Sarah’s grip tighten once more and instinctively knew he would have to give the answer they required, anything else would surely arouse their suspicions. Another squeeze from Sarah prompted his response and he nodded his head.

“Well you are my dear.”Mrs Fitzgibbon gushed encouragingly “a little powder here, some discreet rouge there and you will be as pretty as any of them.”

She looked at Sarah before adding,

“Of course you really need to do something with her hair. Such tight plaiting is far too unfashionable for a girl her age, much too severe and short. You need to comb it out.”

“Yes Madam.” Sarah replied.

“You are remarkably quiet Octavia.” Mrs Fitzgibbon addressed her friend.

“Aubrey, Aubrey” Mrs Carville repeated in a puzzled tone “I’ve only heard that name once before. Phillipa, isn’t that Maude’s son’s name?”

She seemed to intensify her gaze on the boy, Aubrey felt the knot in his stomach tighten another notch.

“Why, yes it is.” Mrs Fitzgibbon answered and she too trained her eyes on Aubrey and with a gentle rustle of silk and satin moved even closer.

“Of course I haven’t seen the boy for a few years, he has been away at school.” she said as she looked more closely at Aubrey who by now could feel his legs becoming weak, Sarah’s tight grip seemed to be the only thing preventing him from fainting.

“A delicate boy, I understand.”Mrs Carville said.

“Yes quite delicate but very pretty. The image of Maude when she was younger” Mrs Fitzgibbon replied “as I recall he had high cheek bones, skin like porcelain, full and pouting lips and extremely log eyelashes. Quite feminine in fact, and far too pretty for a boy, my daughters were extremely jealous. I remember one year Maude organised a small theatrical performance for all her friend’s children and when Lady Martinet’s daughter became ill and had to withdraw she was on the point of cancelling the production and at that very moment who should enter the room but young Aubrey. He was dressed in clothes which I think he hoped would make him look much older and more masculine than his appearance suggested. Of course as the only male in the room and despite his tender years he still attempted to project male dominance over us weak and delicate creatures.”

“Typical!” Mrs Carville snorted.

“Indeed.”Mrs Fitzgibbon agreed with her companion “However he soon had the wind taken out of his masculine sails.”

“What exactly do you mean Phillipa?” Mrs Carville said intrigued at her friend’s remark.

Sarah, listening to this conversation intently felt Aubrey try to move away from her grip but held him firmly in place with a sharp tug.

“Well Lady Martinet, as you well know is not a woman to be trifled with particularly when it comes to the arrogant male made a suggestion that excited the entire room ....well most of it anyway.”

Both women were temporarily distracted by a low whimper coming from Aubrey’s general direction before Mrs Fitzgibbon resumed,

“She proposed that rather than cancel the performance  and cause great disappointment to their daughters and themselves, young Aubrey should take her daughter’s part after all there were only a few lines and he could read the script from a few cards.”

“En femme” Mrs Carville exclaimed excitedly.

Another low pitched whine emanated from Aubrey, Sarah could not suppress her giggles, both ladies gave them withering looks before Mrs Fitzgibbon continued,

 “Precisely!” Mrs Fitzgibbon exclaimed “As you know Octavia, Lady Martinet suggestions are in name only they are meant to be obeyed rather than deliberated on. Not many men could defy her and I have seen grown men, some of them high ranking military officers almost reduced to tears after they had gone against her wishes. Naturally a fifteen year old boy stood no chance and the effect on the young man was immediate. His swaggering self-assurance disappeared almost instantly and the blood drained from his face…”

She looked at Aubrey,

“A little like this girl here…”she observed “what a coincidence, another Aubrey.”

She then returned to the conversation with her friend.

“Naturally once he had realised the implications of what she said the poor boy tried to make his escape but was immediately surrounded by every lady in the room. He was hemmed in by circle of ladies and could not breakthrough this barrier of silk, satin, taffeta in fact it seemed as if merely touching these fabrics caused him great embarrassment. Of course he pleaded to be allowed to leave but his appeal fell on deaf ears. Lady Martinet and his mother linked him by his arm and firmly explained that it would be a wonderful gesture it would be to rescue the performance however he was left in no doubt that failure to comply with this reasonable request would have consequences, unspecified of course. By this stage the lad was enveloped by the rest of us, telling him how grateful we were and what a brave boy he was and within a minute he reluctantly submitted to the inevitable and accepted his fate.”

 “Oh Phillipa, it sounds delightful. I can almost see it now... a young man trapped inside a circle of swishing satin gown and rustling petticoats. He must have been terrified” Mrs Carville blurted.

“Oh he was Octavia.” Mrs Fitzgibbon replied with a smile on her face “but not as terrified as when his mother rang for the maid and told her to bring in the pink satin gown he was to wear.”

“Pink satin! How delightful.” Mrs Carville giggled. “Do continue.”

 Aubrey’s face was blushing furiously. Both women were so engrossed in their conversation that Sarah took the opportunity to slowly withdraw him a few feet.

“I was wondering why you looked so natural in a gown, you seem to have had plenty of practice.” Sarah sniggered in his ear “it seems you were quite the young lady.”

“Please.... Sarah.” he pleaded quietly, his flushed face and downcast eyes clearly displaying his utter mortification at Mrs Fitzgibbon’s tale. “Please...please can we go?”

Sarah looked at him and smiled.

“Of course we can. But we’re not going to.” she whispered in his ear, “I’m dying to hear more about this.”

Delay with next chapter ......BUT

Due to various commitments I’m having difficulty getting sufficient time to complete the next chapter of AVVE. To date I have rewritten 90% of the chapter I feel the original was better I think I was/am rushing it but there’s nothing I can do about it now.

The storyline in this chapter would have been 6-7000 words (I’ve written 4000 approx), readers have been very supportive and I hate letting people down in not posting a chapter a month but real life has a habit of intruding and as mentioned I am very pressed for time.

 So I have two choices, I could post it as it stands but it would end very abruptly or I could try to shorten the final section of it ( which is important for the following chapter and maybe the overall story) to less than a 1000 words which would still mean a delay but not as long. At the moment I’m leaning towards the latter option. Maybe a third option is to do another stand alone piece of under a 1000 words. I’ll think about it over few beers tonight.

In the meantime the only contribution I can make to the blog are these pictures I had from an old magazine which I came across recently.

Here’s an idea. Perhaps some readers can write a caption or a very short story (a few hundred words) and if you want it posted e mail me and I’ll do it. It might be a bit of fun and it will also get your creative juices flowing , I will respect your privacy/anonymity if that is your preference.

Go on try it. If you’re reading this blog we all have the same taste on forced feminisation.

Hopefully I’ll finish the next chapter in a few weeks.

Thanks for your patience.

Take care

Carrie

AVVE - New Illustration and an accompanying stand -alone short piece

The support for the last chapter was very encouraging and personally it’s great to know readers like the type of material I produce it certainly does motivate me to continue.

The loss of the last chapter was disappointing and I felt I let readers down by not posting it in time but nothing could be done.

So what I’ve done is a stand- alone piece, a scene from Aubrey confinement in Lady Charlotte’s home. It’s obviously connected to but at the same time unrelated to the story- hope that makes sense. I was going to put the text in caption form in the illustration but OGF has pointed out it make things awkward for readers for whom English is not their first language – so I wrote an accompanying text for the illustration.

It is longer than the rewrite I have started for Chapter 9 but only took me a few hours to complete. I wonder would this be a better format? It would be quicker but much shorter. However it may disturb the flow of the story. If anyone wants to give their 5 cents worth please do.

Anyway it's only 900 words but I hope you enjoy it, thanks again for your support.

Carrie.

PS Geraldine, looks like the threat worked.

Lady Charlotte’s friend Gwendolyn Beresford has called on her and unexpectedly and uninvited enters Aubrey’s bedroom just as he has risen.

The door opened abruptly and Mrs Gwendolyn Beresford announced her arrival with a flurry of swishing skirts and petticoats , she wore  a high necked navy and white pleated silk creation her ample bosom projecting like the figurehead of a ship’s bow, her waist corseted to a very fashionable degree, her hips forming an exquisite counter balance to her breasts. She was already speaking before she noticed the other occupants of the room. Lady Charlotte de Winter brusquely interrupted her.

“Gwendolyn! I really do wish you had given me a little notice of your intention to visit.” Lady Charlotte said sharply “It is not the most convenient time.”

“Oh don’t be so fussy Charlotte.” she replied ignoring her friend’s protestations, as her eyes adjusted to the light and she noticed the two other figures standing beside the bed.

“Mmm, and what have we here?” she purred as she advanced towards them.

The sheer fright  of seeing a stranger suddenly appear sent Aubrey into shock and he had to grip Sara, who was acting as his lady’s maid, by the arm to avoid falling.

Oh no...no... not her...not here  his inner voice screamed in panic.

“This is not your daughter Felicity.” she said in a surprised voice as she raised her pince- nez from the silver chain around her neck and examined Aubrey.

“No.”Lady Charlotte replied tersely “the child of a dear friend.”

“I find it hard to distinguish whether it is a boy or girl.” Mrs Beresford snorted as she continued her inspection before asking in a mildly sardonic voice “Well child, are you a boy or girl?”

Aubrey felt the blood drain from his face and his legs weaken

“Aaaah...   ” he whimpered  through a mouth as dry as the Sahara, he gripped Sarah tighter.

“Gwendolyn!” Lady Charlotte snapped “stop teasing the girl.”

“So it is a girl, at least we have established that.” she answered “such short hair and boyish features.  “A pretty child in an unconventional sense I suppose however  such a dainty nightgown does make her look somewhat passable as a female.

She looked at Sarah.

“I sincerely hope you can make her a little more feminine before she steps out of this room, the poor girl could easily be taken for a boy.” She said as she stroked Aubrey’s cheek with her long slender fingers “and tell me dear child what is your name you seem vaguely familiar?”

“And what do I owe the honour of such an early visit Gwendolyn?” Lady Charlotte interrupted her immediately and taking her by the arm quickly but calmly guided her friend’s side across the room and away from Aubrey’s immediate presence. Two beads of perspiration formed on Aubrey forehead and began to trickle down his face, Sarah removed them with a lace handkerchief as the two ladies turned their backs.

 “I called on our mutual friend Maude St Clair however her housemaid told me she has been abroad for several weeks.” Mrs Beresford said as she turned to look at Aubrey and Sarah once more “I thought that dreadful boy of hers would be there but the maid tells me he has not stayed there since her departure.  For his mother’s sake I feel I should find him before he causes her even more embarrassment. He is such a frightful miscreant I greatly pity the lady he has inflicted himself upon, she will have her hands full. Such a patronising misogynist he has all the faults of the arrogant male, truly a ghastly boy. By now I’m sure he will be strutting around like Napoleon ordering his hostess around like a shopgirl.”

“Oh come now Gwendolyn he can’t be all that bad?” Lady Charlotte said as she fixed her eyes on Aubrey.

“Oh but he is, Charlotte” Mrs Beresford exclaimed “Maude was far too lenient with him she should have kept him at home instead of sending him away to boarding school where he absorbed the worst traits of the male sex. He was such a sweet boy before that, of course his Nanny and nursemaid ensured he was kept under strict control and he wore such beautiful dresses until the age of four. Keeping the boy close to his mother’s skirts would have saved Maude an awful lot of trouble she really should have engaged a Governess instead of sending him to school. A life under a strict Governess would have made a man of him. I think he was freed from his dresses and petticoats far too soon.”

“Indeed.” Lady Charlotte agreed with her and linking her friend’s arm continued “We were just going to begin dressing the girl, I’m sure she would welcome your advice on what gown she should wear today.”

“I’d be delighted.” Mrs Beresford replied enthusiastically

Lady Charlotte, a smile forming at the corner of her mouth looked at Aubrey before adding “Oh and whether it is too soon for her to wear a corset?”

“Never too soon to wear a corset.” Mrs Beresford declared loudly “In fact after this visit I have an appointment with my corsetiere would you like to accompany me... and the girl of course, we can have her measured properly.”

“What a splendid idea Gwendolyn.”

Only Sarah head the slight whimper from Aubrey’s mouth as his grip tightened on her arm.

HELP! Chapter 9 file corrupted any ideas??

If any readers are computer geeks/experts I’d appreciate any help. 

Up to yesterday I had over 3500 words written for Chapter nine (about 50% completed) and now I discover the file has been corrupted and I can’t open it. It’s gone.

Has anyone any ideas?

I’ve put dozens of hours into this and now I’m unable to access it.

I’ve had a really shit week a good friend died, I couldn’t attend his funeral as I was admitted to hospital with a serious health issue – which thankfully seems to have been contained and hopefully I’m on the road to recovery. So this finishes off a really crap week.

The response to the last chapter was wonderful (shit I sound like Trump) and I’ve very grateful for all the support which is why I want to get this chapter posted asap.

Now unless I can recover the file I’ll have to start over

As I’ve mentioned several times before writing is difficult for me as I tend to pore over every word, sentence and paragraph, second guessing and critiquing myself all the time. I have a lot of it in my head but getting it down like the original will be difficult not to mention extremely time consuming and obviously will take several weeks to post.

Yes! not a good week but compared to the very ill people I’ve seen in hospital it is absolutely of no consequence. They would love to have my troubles.

So if anyone can help please let me know.

Thanks

Carrie